Poem: HAPPINESS? - The Alexithymic Observer (Dark Ambient Spoken Word)

Poem: HAPPINESS? - The Alexithymic Observer (Dark Ambient Spoken Word) An interrogation of emotional performance and the profound disconnect of the dispassionate observer. Written from an alexithymic and late-diagnosed autistic perspective, "Happiness" explores the isolation of standing outwardly blank and unfeeling while witnessing a world that communicates in an emotional currency you do not directly share. Decades before understanding the root of this variance, these words were a raw way to process the intense friction between a paralyzing internal reality and the performative "trappings of joy" people use to shroud their pain. It is a stark, analytical look at the barrier between a demonstrative society and the quiet mind left to question the counterfeit nature of their pretence. LYRICS Happiness They speak to me of happiness, Yet I see only self deception, rooted in ignorance. They tell me of the pleasures of life, Yet I see only veils, drawn before their pain. They tell me of their loves, With words devoid of feeling. They tell me of my misery, With words bereft of understanding. They hide from the bleakness of their existence, Shrouding their lives in trappings of joy. Preaching to all of their good fortune, Convincing only those of like mind. How can they fill their shallow existence, With so empty a counterfeit. How, with deceits and lies, Do they construct their pretence of joy? And how, Finally, Do they look upon their lies and pain, and not cry out in despair, At the futility of their existence. THE STORY BEHIND THE WORDS My work is an exploration of the perceptual barriers between minds and between mind and reality, written from an undiagnosed neurodivergent perspective but dedicated to anyone who has ever felt disconnected, stranded in their own thoughts. I wrote a lot of my poetry nearly 40 years ago, during my 20s & 30s. At the time I was completely unaware of the reason why I felt the way I did. It wasn’t until September 2024, at the age of 64, that I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's/Autism. Looking back, the poetry was my undiagnosed mind trying to process the intense isolation, the sensory weight, and the profound feeling of WTF! Decades later, I have finally brought these words to life. This is what it felt like to navigate a world that made so little sense to me long before I had the words to explain why. I can only hope that it helps you on your own path to self-discovery. HOW THIS TRACK WAS MADE The Writing: All of the poetry and lyrics are my own. I create the lyrics for the songs by deconstructing my original poetry. The Music: Yes I use AI, I have to. My poetry has sat dormant for decades because of an inability to express it in the way I wanted. I use it as a tool, it's my canvas and my brushes and I hope you see it that way. Suno.com was used for the vocals and music. I've tried to play most instruments over the years with zero success. Plus, I'm tone-deaf and wouldn't subject my worst enemy to my singing! The Visuals: Vizzy.io was used for the video visualisation. It allows me to handcraft them to suit the mood of my work. I didn't want flashy animated AI graphics, just something simple to keep the focus on the mood. I hope it works. LETS CONNECT Thank you for listening. If this creative expression resonates with your own journey of self-discovery, late adult autism diagnosis, or neurodivergence, please leave a comment—I'd love to hear your story. Any suggestions you might have for how I might improve the channel or the visuals are always welcome.