Coercive Control vs a Bad Relationship: How to Tell the Difference Part 1

Listen if… You keep asking yourself “is it me, or are they controlling?” The examples online always sound more extreme than what you’re living You’re walking on eggshells but second-guessing whether you’re allowed to feel that way You’ve been told to “just set boundaries” but it only seems to make things worse You’re the main breadwinner and wonder whether you can even be controlled You want to understand coercive control from both a psychological and a family-law angle This is general education – not legal advice or a psychological diagnosis. It discusses coercive control and abuse. If you’re in danger, call 000. Support: 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14. “Is it me, or are they controlling?” That question ran under almost every message you sent in, so we turned it into a six-part series – this is Part 1. Laura and Lyn are joined by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova to answer the one nearly everyone asked: is this really coercive control? Not the extreme headlines the quiet, confusing, hard-to-name version, and why your experience often won’t match the checklists online. Krasi shares her three Ds (disrespect, disempowerment, distortion) and how good qualities like compromise get weaponised; Lyn explains how family law treats it differently from the criminal courts. Real listener questions on anger, money, stonewalling, blame-shifting, silent treatment and more Timeline 00:00 – Is It Me, or Are They Controlling? 01:00 – Meet Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist 02:00 – Trigger Warning & What This Episode Covers 03:30 – What Best Illustrates Coercive Control? (Blossom) 04:30 – The Restaurant Metaphor: Pattern, Not a Checklist 06:00 – The 3 Ds: Disrespect, Disempowerment, Distortion 07:30 – Psychology vs Family Law: Section 4AB 09:00 – Family Court vs Criminal Court: Different Tests 10:00 – When You Lose Sight of What’s Reasonable (Emily) 12:00 – How Compromise & Empathy Get Weaponised 13:00 – When Your Ex Wasn’t As “Extreme” as the Examples (AJ) 16:00 – Is Anger & Yelling Coercive Control? (Anonymous) 18:00 – Can It Exist Without Financial Control? 19:00 – Repeated Pressure & Monopolised Decisions (Liz) 22:00 – Stonewalling, Delay & Deflection (Josie) 25:30 – The PA Dynamic & Exploitation (Emily) 28:00 – Needy or Controlling? How to Tell the Difference 30:00 – Blame-Shifting, DARVO & Perspecticide (Chelsea) 33:00 – Infidelity, Guilt & Trying to Leave (Montana) 36:00 – Krasi’s Call-Out to Psychologists (National Conference) 39:00 – Silent Treatment as Punishment (Flossie) 43:00 – Why He Does Less When You’re Sick (Elle) 45:00 – Emotional Abuse vs Coercive Control 47:30 – Can the Main Breadwinner Be Controlled? (Patrick) 53:00 – Why Do They Do It? Can Survivors Heal? (Gwen) 58:00 – The Anxious, Controlling Attachment Style & a Hopeful Note Episode Mentioned The 3 Ds of Coercive Control – the deep-dive episode with Krasi.    • When It’s Not Just Conflict: How Coercive ...   Have Your Say – Krasi’s Conference Call-Out 📌 Have your say: Krasi is presenting on coercive control at the Australian National Psychology Conference. Share what you wish psychologists and therapists understood – anonymously, with optional audio. Link in the show notes. Entry form here https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/b... Links & Resources 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 | Lifeline 13 11 14 | Police 000 The Divorce Course (sign up to send questions): thedivorcecourse.com.au Section 4AB, Family Law Act 1975 – definition of family violence Guest: Krasi Kirova, Clinical Psychologist Closing If this helped you start to name what you’ve been living, please follow, rate, review and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too. All our best, Laura & Lyn – Your Guides By Your Side – Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST #coercivecontrol #divorcepodcast #divorceaustralia #familylaw #emotionalabuse #narcissisticabuse #domesticabuse #separationhelp #coparenting #thedivorcecoursepodcast #postseparationabuse #darvo #familyviolence #isitabuse #financialabuse