Coercive Control Continues After Separation—Here's What Family Lawyers & Courts Miss

You've separated but you're still under the same roof. Same kitchen, same front door, same person setting you off every time you have to speak to them. You know it's coercive control, but knowing it doesn't get you out. This is Part 2 of our six-part coercive control series, and it's all about surviving it while you're still in it. Mum and I are joined again by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova to answer the questions you sent in – and you sent in so many. We unpack why coercive control so often continues after separation (and even escalates), why separation under one roof is absolutely not "required" no matter what your ex tells you, and what the courts really do about it now. We get into the hard, practical stuff: how to document abuse when you're still living together, surveillance and cameras, car and phone tracking, kids being used as little spies, and how to plan your exit without "awakening the bear". Krasi reframes something big too – why setting boundaries with a coercive person can backfire, and why buffers work better. If you're treading water while the shark circles, this one's for you. You can get through this, and we'll be right here while you do. ⏱️ Episode Timeline 00:00 – Separated but Stuck Under One Roof: You're Not Alone 01:00 – Six-Part Series, Guest Krasi Kirova & How to Send Questions 02:00 – Meet Krasi Kirova & Lyn Galvin 03:00 – Legal & Family Violence Disclaimer 04:00 – Does Coercive Control Continue After Separation? (Sally's Question) 05:00 – The Three Ds: Disrespect, Disempowerment, Distortion 06:00 – Why They Won't Move Out — The New Under-One-Roof Tactic 07:00 – Is Separation Under One Roof Required? Davis & Davis (Sarah's Question) 08:00 – "Can You Make Them Leave?" + When Your Ex Makes Up the Law 10:00 – DARVO Explained + Why Placating Doesn't Work (Nini's Question) 12:00 – How to Prove Escalating Abuse + Judges Are Trained 13:00 – Chronologies as Evidence + The Three-Year "Separation" Trap (Anonymous) 15:00 – The Stuck Feeling Is Entrapment — You Can Leave Without a Plan 17:00 – Cameras, Doorbells & Surveillance In Your Own Home (Loans' Question) 19:00 – Tech-Facilitated Abuse: 70% Is Everyday Tech + The Omnipresence Effect 20:00 – Is My Car Being Tracked? AirTags, Apps & What to Do (Marie's Question) 22:00 – Removing Tech Safely: Order Matters, Sweepers & Bluetooth 24:00 – When Your Ex Uses the Kids to Spy (She Bear's Question) 26:00 – Talking to Your Child About Privacy + Family Reports 28:00 – Krasi's Call-Out: Share Your Voice for the Psychology Conference 31:00 – Moving Money Without Awakening the Bear (JT's Question) 33:00 – Getting Your Ducks in a Row: The Safest Way to Leave 36:00 – 21 Years In — How Do I Announce I'm Leaving? (Tash's Question) 37:00 – The Shark Analogy: Why "Nicely" Doesn't Change the Reaction 38:00 – "You Moved Money Without My Consent" — Financial Control (Jessie's Question) 40:00 – Boundaries vs Buffers: Why Boundaries Can Backfire (Anonymous) 44:00 – Parenting Apps, Grey Rocking & the Three Anchors 45:00 – Legal Abuse, Comeuppance & the 14% Uplift Case 46:00 – Intervention Orders + A House-Sharing Idea for the Stuck 48:00 – Next Week: Coercive Control & Financial Abuse 🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. Can You Make Them Leave? Referenced when discussing your options for getting an ex out of the family home.    • Can I Make My Ex Leave the House?5 Strateg...   2. Tech-Facilitated Abuse with WESNET / SafetyNet Australia Referenced when discussing car tracking, phone cloning and being stalked through tech.    • Is Your Ex Stalking You? Coercive Control ...   3. The Three Anchors with Sonia Bestulic Referenced when discussing how to stay grounded in the same room as a coercive ex.    • 4 Anchors to Get Through Divorce when stuc...   4. Capturing Coercive Control in an Affidavit Referenced when discussing how to document a pattern of behaviour for court.    • Communicating Coercive Control in Document...   Links & Resources 📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support) 📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14 🚪 The Orange Door — orangedoor.vic.gov.au 🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger) 🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au 🎓 Free Resources (Before You Go Checklist & Tech App Worksheet) — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au Share your voice (Typeform) — anonymous written or audio messages for Krasi's conference presentation — https://jtwqtij4vdy.typeform.com/to/b... WESNET / SafetyNet Australia https://techsafety.org.au If this episode helped you feel less alone while you're stuck under one roof – or gave you one practical step towards getting out please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find it too. Next week: Coercive Control & Financial Abuse how it works and what you can do about it. #divorcepodcast #divorceaustralia #familylaw #separationhelp #coparenting #thedivorcecoursepodcast #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuse #postseparationabuse #financialabuse #techabuse #separatedunderoneroof #familyviolence #domesticabusesupport #divorcesupport