العلاج السلوكي الجدلي | الفعالية بين الأشخاص ج ٥ - د. نادر عطالله

Getting what you want in relationships in a healthy manner D-E-A-R-M-A-N Describe: Express: Assert: Ask Reinforce: Mindful: Appear Confident: Negotiate: Describe: Stick to the facts and no judgmental statements A direct, specific question, Leave any emotion out of your voice. Practice in mind first More of __________. Less of __________ Stop doing __________ Start doing __________ When __________ Where __________ Frequency ___________ Express: Using “I statements” don't expect the other person to read your mind “I feel scared when we…. ” “I feel lonely when we…” “Lately, I feel sad about us.” NOT “You’re hurting me.” “You don’t care about us.” “You’re always late.” Assert: Ask for what you want. Say no clearly. A softening statement. “Would you mind if …” “It would be helpful if you could …” “I’d appreciate it if you would …” "I would like a raise. Can you give it to me? Don't tell others what they "should" do. Saving the “big guns” for later is often an effective strategy Reinforce: Reward others Positive effects of getting what you want or need. An appreciation statement. “This will really help me out.” “This will make a real difference.” “This is much appreciated.” STAY MINDFULKeep your focus on your objectivesDon't be distracted on to another topicTwo helpful techniques for staying mindful:1. Broken Record Keep asking, saying no or expressing your opinion...2. IgnoreIf the other person attacks, threatens or tries to change the subject, ....IGNORE, APPEAR CONFIDENT -Confident tone of voice-Confident physical manner-Appropriate eye contact-No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, etc... Negotiate: -Offer and ask for other solutions or alternatives , Compromise -Win-win, right? -"What do you think we can do.”-"How can we solve this problem?" Blocks to Listening Mind reading: Assuming you know Rehearsing: what you want to say next Filtering: Listening only to important things to you Judging: Evaluating the other person Daydreaming: memories or fantasies Advising: Looking for solutions instead Arguing: debating. Being right: Resisting Derailing: changing the subject Placating: Agreeing too quickly