Why You Attach the Way You Do and How to Change It

Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the same kinds of relationships, or why conflict makes you shut down, or why being alone feels unbearable? The answer might be rooted in something that was shaped before you even started school. Bev Mitelman is a certified relationship and attachment trauma practitioner, certified menopause specialist, and founder of Securely Loved. In this episode, she breaks down the four attachment styles, where they come from, how they show up in parenting, friendships, and romantic relationships, and most importantly, how to change them. This one is going to make you think about your childhood, your kids, and every relationship you have ever been in. 00:00 Opening: What dismissive avoidant attachment really looks like 01:00 Welcome and introduction to Bev Mitelman 02:00 What attachment styles are and why they matter beyond romantic relationships 03:00 How attachment styles connect to the way kids act out at home and school 05:00 The four attachment styles explained 06:00 Secure attachment: what it looks like and how it forms 09:00 Can children of divorce still develop secure attachment? 12:00 Moving into insecure attachment styles 13:00 Anxious preoccupied attachment: the core wound of abandonment 15:00 How anxious attachment shows up in adult relationships 17:00 What anxious attachment looks like in young children at the grocery store 18:00 Can attachment styles be changed? Yes, here is how 20:00 Dali reflects on her own parenting and what she wishes she had known sooner 22:00 Bev shares a powerful conversation she had with her own son 24:00 Dismissive avoidant attachment: hyper-independence and emotional walls 27:00 What about athletes under pressure? Where do they fall? 30:00 Dismissive avoidant in adult relationships and why they avoid commitment 32:00 Fearful avoidant attachment: the hot and cold partner explained 35:00 The difference between personality traits and attachment styles 35:30 Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn: what people-pleasing really means 37:00 How to work with Bev and where to find her 38:30 You can change your attachment style. It is not a life sentence. Take the free Attachment Quiz: https://www.securelyloved.com YouTube:    / @securelyloved   Instagram: @securely_loved Connect with Dali and learn about DaliTalks: https://www.dalitalks.com/linktree Follow DaliTalks on IG and LinkedIn @DaliTalks Please like, share, subscribe to this channel, and comment below. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! #attachmentstyles #attachmenttrauma #secureattachment