Why Desi Parents Struggle to Let Go (And How to Change It)

"You can honor your family's sacrifices without sacrificing yourself." In this episode of Desi Dramas, Heena sits down with licensed counselor Surbhi Vyas (founder of Healing Lotus Mental Health) to unpack one of the most common tensions in South Asian and immigrant families: how to stay connected to the people you love while still becoming your own person. As Surbhi puts it, most people aren't struggling because they don't love their families enough — it's the opposite. They love their families deeply and just don't have a shared language for staying connected while being true to themselves. Drawing on her work with adolescents, young adults, couples, and families — and her own experience as a second-gen Indian American — Surbhi shares grounded, compassionate tools for closing that gap. In this conversation: Why teens and immigrant parents clash over values, friendships, and money The kite metaphor for giving kids autonomy without losing connection How parents get "frozen in time," raising kids by a decades-old snapshot of home Why a child's independence can feel like rejection — and how to reframe it The bridge, the bus, and the kite: metaphors for trust and healthy limits A better way to talk about "sacrifice" than "I did everything for you" -The open-ended questions that actually get kids to open up -Why going to therapy yourself might be the best thing you do for your child Whether you're a parent trying to understand your kid, or an adult still untangling how you were raised, this one's full of practical takeaways. Chapters 00:00 — Teaser 00:57 — Meet Surbhi Vyas & culturally attuned therapy 02:34 — "You're in the driver's seat; I'm just the defog button" 03:32 — Where immigrant parents & teens clash on values 05:15 — Money across generations 11:51 — Two extremes: overspending vs. over-frugality 16:13 — The kite: a metaphor for autonomy 19:28 — "Frozen in time": parenting from a decades-old snapshot 21:25 — What narrative therapy actually is 23:57 — When a parent hears autonomy as rejection 27:01 — Control, grief & learning to let go 36:07 — Why parents should try therapy too 37:35 — The open-ended questions that open kids up 42:23 — Helping teens make their own decisions 46:16 — Bricks, bridges & the oxygen mask 48:43 — A better way to talk about "sacrifice" 55:30 — Why vulnerability feels risky in our culture 1:00:08 — Final takeaways for teens & parents 1:05:12 — How to reach Surbhi About our guest — Surbhi Vyas, LPC Surbhi Vyas is a licensed professional counselor in New Jersey and Pennsylvania and founder of Healing Lotus Mental Health, specializing in South Asian and immigrant mental health, working with adolescents, adults, couples, and families. 🌐 healinglotusmentalhealth.com 📧 [email protected] 📷 Instagram: @healing_lotus_mental_health 🎙️ About Desi Dramas Desi Dramas is where therapists help Desis get unpack from old stories with fresh perspectives. Subscribe for new episodes, and find episode guides and more at desi-dramas.com. 👉 If this resonated, like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs it. Tell us in the comments: which metaphor hit hardest — the kite, the bus, the bridge, or the oxygen mask? #DesiDramas #SouthAsianMentalHealth #ImmigrantParents #Autonomy #ParentingTeens #DesiParents #MentalHealth #NarrativeTherapy #SecondGeneration #Therapy