Test - Knights Of The Round Table & Christmas Special 2014

Tune - Laughing with Count Arthur Strong    • Tune - Laughing with Count Arthur   Knights Of The Round Table Summary Arthur returns home after his time in Spain, claiming his delay was due to an informal discussion with the police regarding a "toilet related human rights issue" on the airplane, resulting in him being banned from the airline. Wilf helps him with his trolley. Arthur opens his post, navigating misleading offers for prizes, and receives an invitation for an interview with the Round Table. Arthur initially believes they will be "canoeing" rather than "convening." At Jerry’s cafe, Arthur tries to calculate the discount he is owed for being a frequent customer, accidentally calling Sally's brother, Roger, on her mobile. Arthur attempts to donate a large box of left-footed shoes he found to a charity shop worker, offering marketing advice involving Long John Silver and Cinderella. He finds the Masonic Hall (which he calls the "Moronic Hall") undergoing major restoration and ignores the hard hat signs. He suffers a blow to the head and awakens believing he is King Arthur, surrounded by Lancelot and Merlin. This fantasy is quickly derailed when Cinderella and Puss in Boots' cat appear, complaining about the injuries caused by the left-footed shoes he supplied. Back in reality, his interview is postponed due to his concussion, but Arthur insists his application was successful, claiming he is on the way to becoming a "chief moron." Characters and Actors Count Arthur Strong: Returning from Spain and seeking high society membership. Wilf: Helps Arthur at the airport. Sally: Interacts with Arthur at the cafe. Jeffrey: Present at the cafe. Jerry: Runs the cafe. Charity Shop Worker: Receives Arthur's donation. Builder: Working on the Masonic Hall. Lancelot: Knight in Arthur's concussed fantasy. Merlin: Wizard in Arthur's concussed fantasy. Cinderella: Character in the fantasy. Puss in Boots' Cat: Character in the fantasy. Actors: Mel Giedroyc, Alistister Kerr, and Dave Mounfield. Title: Count Arthur Strong's Radio Show (2014 Christmas Special) Summary: Arthur begins the festive season by writing Christmas cards to people he doesn't actually know—specifically "Vic" and "Dick"—or accidentally addressing them to vegetables like "Cauliflower" due to administrative errors on his list. He argues with his friends Wilf and Sally about whether the image on a card is a robin on a shovel handle or a squirrel on a "Robin Redford." Arthur receives a phone call from Father Thompson asking him to step in for a role in a local production of The Wizard of Oz. Convinced it is a prank call from someone pretending to be Mike Yarwood, Arthur interrogates the Vicar on Bible trivia, confusing the Four Apostles with The Four Tops and insisting Rumpelstiltskin is in the Book of Genesis. While demonstrating a "scientific" betting system for Boxing Day horse racing involving "ven diaphragms," Arthur accidentally stabs his hand with a hat pin. The injury causes his hand to swell to the size of a football. To cope, he self-medicates with port and "anti-social biotics" stolen from Malcolm's mother. Arthur assumes he is playing the lead role of Dorothy and recruits his friend Jeffrey to be his "body of a dog" (dogsbody/Girl Friday). He dresses in women's underwear for the costume, only to be told by Father Thompson that he is no longer needed. Arthur attempts to picket the church hall in protest but collapses from the cocktail of medication and alcohol. He is rescued by paramedics who are coincidentally named Vic and Dick, validating his earlier Christmas card list. Characters: • Count Arthur Strong: The confused variety star who believes he has been cast as Dorothy. • Malcolm: Arthur's dresser, whose mother's antibiotics are consumed by Arthur. • Father Thompson: The Vicar organizing the production of The Wizard of Oz. • Wilf: Arthur's friend who receives a card addressed to a vegetable. • Sally: A friend who accompanies Wilf. • Jeffrey: An unwilling recruit for the role of Arthur's assistant. • Jerry: The cafe owner. • Vic and Dick: The paramedics who attend to Arthur. Actors: • Steve Delaney (as Count Arthur Strong) • Mel Giedroyc • Alastair Kerr • Dave Mounfield • Terry Kilkelly (as Malcolm)