Necrosmith I - First Blood

Episode: First Blood So there I was, proudly creating my brand‑new Necrosmith profile — because nothing says “elite necromancer energy” like typing in a name and pretending I have a master plan. I ended up calling it SPS, not because it’s mysterious or edgy, but simply because SilentPlayerSolfire was way too long for the name box. Apparently even the undead have character limits. Once the game kicked off, I immediately started stitching heads, torsos, arms, and legs together like a necromantic IKEA enthusiast. Sometimes I even unlocked special recipes, which made me feel like a gourmet corpse chef. Skeleton Sorcerer? Dead Warrior? If it wiggles, I’m building it. My freshly assembled abominations then wandered off on their own, bravely exploring the world, fighting enemies, and capturing buildings — all without asking me for directions. Honestly, they’re more independent than I am. Every building they conquered spat out mana, gold, or new body parts, which is basically the undead version of a rewards program. Along the way, I discovered blueprints for tower upgrades and strange relics with names like Eye in a Jar. I pretended I knew what they did. Spoiler: I absolutely didn’t. But I collected them anyway because hoarding magical junk is part of the necromancer lifestyle. Whenever I had too many spare limbs lying around (a very normal problem), I tossed them into the mana extractor. It’s basically a blender for body parts. Smoothies for sorcerers. Of course, things eventually went downhill. Enemy waves started crashing into my tower like they were late for a rave. Then a giant tentacle monster showed up, clearly offended by my architectural choices, and started smacking my tower like it owed him rent. I summoned troops like a panicked intern spamming copy‑paste, but it didn’t matter. The tower exploded, my undead army collapsed, and the game politely informed me that I had been defeated. But hey — it’s a roguelite. Dying isn’t failure. It’s tradition. And I’ll be back. With more limbs. And even worse ideas.