Why You Keep Pushing Away What You Want

Sometimes the coping mechanisms that helped us survive painful experiences become the same patterns that keep us stuck later in life. In this episode, Dr. Todd explores how emotional wounds, especially attachment wounds, can shape the way we protect ourselves in adulthood. We may push people away, sabotage relationships, avoid vulnerability, second-guess our goals, or mistake old fear for present danger. This does not mean we are broken. It means our brain and nervous system learned to protect us. But healing often requires us to notice when protection has become an anchor. If you find yourself repeating the same painful patterns, this episode will help you begin asking whether you are responding to what is actually happening now, or whether an old wound is still trying to keep you safe. In this episode, Dr. Todd discusses: Why childhood wounds often become adult coping mechanisms How attachment trauma can make vulnerability feel unsafe Why we sometimes sabotage relationships or goals we genuinely want The difference between a real warning sign and a trauma-based fear response Why “trust your gut” is not always reliable after emotional trauma How a trusted friend, therapist, or grounded support person can help you borrow objectivity Why self-sabotage does not mean you are stupid, bad, sick, or wrong How to begin moving forward even when fear is present The thing that once protected you may now be the thing preventing you from receiving what you most want. Chapters 0:00 — We are imperfect people in an imperfect world 1:05 — How old coping mechanisms follow us into adulthood 1:52 — Why couples often fight about the same things 2:16 — When change feels safe, and when vulnerability feels threatening 2:58 — The fear of closeness and the wall of protection 4:15 — Why communication skills alone may not solve the deeper wound 5:26 — The anchor that keeps you from moving forward 6:18 — How self-sabotage shows up in relationships, health, and work 7:31 — When closeness activates old fear 8:02 — Fear of failure, shame, humiliation, and disappointment 8:42 — Identifying the block and moving forward anyway 9:07 — The important caveat: sometimes danger is real 9:31 — Trauma can distort our ability to read danger accurately 10:03 — Why it helps to check in with someone you trust 11:04 — Why “trust your gut” is not always enough 12:07 — You are not stupid, bad, sick, or wrong 13:00 — Letting go of the anchors and challenging old fears ————— Check out the NEW REHUMANIZATION MERCH here: https://shop.drtodd.com Support Rehumanization: https://buymeacoffee.com/drtodd Subscribe to my NEWSLETTER: https://mailchi.mp/drtodd/rehumanizat... Podcast Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/55cEVv4... Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Website — https://drtodd.com Subscribe for future videos —    / @effigism   ————— You can purchase my new book “Recovering from Emotional Trauma” — https://a.co/d/0daDq2eB ————— Follow me on other channels: Facebook —   / toddberntson   LinkedIn —   / toddberntson   Instagram —   / toddberntson   TikTok —   / toddberntson   X — https://x.com/ToddBerntson