年の差カップルの愛は真実の愛なのか？精神科医が転移の概念を説明します。

Good evening. I'm Dr. Takahiro Haga, a psychiatrist. It's been a while since I've spoken from the studio. Today's topic is "Human Relationships from the Perspective of Age-Gap Couples." The term "age-gap couple" has become quite common recently. Sometimes the wife is older and the husband is younger, and sometimes the husband is older and the wife is younger. So, how big of an age difference constitutes an "age-gap couple"? There's no clear definition, but in my opinion, a 10-year difference isn't quite enough to be considered a significant age gap. Even siblings can have a 10-year age difference. However, a 15-year or larger difference is quite noticeable. A 20-year difference is almost like a parent-child relationship. For example, 30 and 50, 35 and 55, 20 and 40. At these ages, it's not just a difference in age; their life stages are vastly different. Today, I'd like to consider these age-gap romantic relationships from a psychiatrist's perspective. Of course, I want to start by saying that I don't want to condemn age-gap relationships themselves. If both parties are adults and are in a relationship they agree to, then it's their choice. It's not something that can be easily judged as good or bad from the outside. However, as a psychiatrist observing human relationships, I believe that relationships with a large age difference often involve a psychological phenomenon called "transference." Simply put, transference is when you project past relationships onto the person you're currently with. For example, admiration for a former teacher, unfulfilled feelings towards a father, or a desire for more love from a mother—you project these past relationship emotions onto your current lover or spouse. This is transference. For example, let's say someone had a strong admiration for a school teacher when they were young. As a middle school student, they harbored feelings akin to love for a young, newly graduated teacher. However, naturally, the teacher didn't see a student as a romantic interest. They treated the student kindly as a teacher. But a romantic relationship never developed. That "unfulfilled feeling" remains vividly in the heart of some people. For many people, such memories are categorized as faint recollections of youth. They evoke nostalgia and a little embarrassment, but they don't significantly impact daily life. However, for some, these memories remain remarkably vivid. Not only painful memories, but also sweet and bittersweet ones, and even unfulfilled romantic feelings, can be strongly preserved deep within the heart. In such cases, when encountering someone considerably older later in life, they may not necessarily fall in love with the person themselves, but rather use that person to try and fulfill past unmet needs. They might think, "I like this person," but in reality, they might be projecting onto that person a former teacher, father, mother, or some older person who protected them. Of course, from an older person's perspective, being attracted to a younger person isn't particularly unusual. A 50-year-old man being attracted to a 30-year-old woman, or a 50-year-old woman being attracted to a 30-year-old man—this is not particularly strange, biologically or psychologically. Being attracted to youth, vitality, beauty, and life force is a natural human emotion. However, when the opposite happens—that is, when a young person is strongly attracted to someone considerably older—it requires a little more careful consideration. Of course, attraction can stem from personality. Respect, security, financial stability, rich experience—these are certainly attractive qualities. One might also feel a calmness and understanding that one wouldn't find in a younger person of the same generation. However, when a 20-year-old is strongly attracted to a 50-year-old with pure romantic feelings, I sometimes wonder if it's not simply a matter of affection for the current person, but rather an overlap with past relationships. Especially when there's no clear financial or social benefit, and the attraction is strong to someone significantly older, like a parent-child relationship, I consider the possibility of transference at play. For example, a person who didn't receive enough love from their father might be strongly attracted to a man of their father's generation. A man who wasn't accepted by his mother might seek a special connection with a woman of his mother's generation. This might be more than just a sexual preference; it could be a deeper attempt to fulfill an unfulfilled parent-child relationship within the context of a romantic relationship. Such relationships appear incredibly intense when they're going well. The younger partner strongly desires the older one. The older partner, in turn, feels happy to be needed. They feel attractive, loved by their younger partner. It seems as though the supply and demand are perfectly matched. However, the problem arises when the relationship goes wrong...