You’re not a bad Christian! Forgiveness is continual.

I get it. I really get it. It’s not fair what they did to you. It’s unjust. It’s disgusting. It’s horrific. It’s unforgiv- wait. There were moments where forgiveness came easy - I understood my husband was wounded and broken and dissociated. And even though it was painful, I could consciously forgive. Then there was the repeated offenses, and I realized how malicious, foolish and wicked my husband actually was. And all the pain and hurt that was buried in my subconscious, not just from the marriage, but from various people and scenarios throughout my life. I had to forgive myself for the blind rebellion I fell into to begin with. Forgiveness is a command. Sometimes you just gotta do an out obedience and let the feelings follow later. It’s a layer-by-layer process with complex scenarios like this. Little by little, releasing forgiveness allows you to heal and be prepared to forgive the darker / harder things. Receive Gods grace for this. It’s for our health and freedom - otherwise we stay in the prison Cell of the enemies, making drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You see - the enemy is playing BOTH sides. He destroyed your family. And then he festers in you to make you sick with bitterness. It’s also the grace and mercy of God that confronts the other person so they can encounter Jesus’ love and repent - (even if the result isn’t what you hoped… the choice is theirs, but you were faithful). BOUNDARIES. Me walking out of my prison DOES NOT MEAN I walk straight into HIS prison with him. You need Holy Spirits guidance to proceed cautiously. I definitely tried but there were times I trusted my husband when he was still unfaithful - in those cases, God gave me words of knowledge and warnings, and ultimately provided for my divine separation. Forgiveness does not equal trust and reconciliation, but it is a critical step you must take for healing regardless. Let justice be the Lords. The other person can’t fix it or undo it. You can’t fix it or undo it. The best and only real option is to let Jesus do what He does best. His justice is fuller, more complete and more redemptive than our earthly perspective (punitive). Release your offender to Jesus. Deliverance resources: Nelson Schuman interview w Katie Souza on unforgiveness: https://www.youtube.com/live/8iTjSDez... Deliverance session (releasing forgiveness over different people in your life): https://www.youtube.com/live/4uGweION...