Rome is Cool Again

[🏛️ · toga party · 300BPM · gladiator horns] CITIZENS OF ROME [🎸🔥 · v1 · Rome is LinkedIn · LinkedIn is Rome] Somebody asked if the Colosseum is cool now Somebody asked if the BREAD is fresh And the CIRCUSES are entertaining And the lions have really Improved their ENGAGEMENT ANNE OUNCE that the empire is thriving ANNE SWER that the aqueducts work ANNE OTHER thought leader just posted That the roads have never been better While standing in a pothole In a toga On fire Ohhhhhhh Is Rome cool now It took me nineteen years To notice Rome EXISTS And now I LOVE it here The architecture is GREAT The forums are LIVELY Please don't tell my children I used the word GLOW UP While the Visigoths Are literally at the gate With a battering ram And a CONTENT STRATEGY Ahhhhhhh [📢🤡 · chorus · clown gladiator energy] IS THIS SATIRE No this is a HUNDRED PERCENT not satire IS THIS PAID No this is GENUINE enthusiasm For a BURNING building With EXCELLENT networking opportunities And VERY few spam messages Compared to the OTHER burning buildings THE FORUM IS ON FIRE BUT THE ENGAGEMENT IS GREAT NERO IS FIDDLING BUT THE FIDDLE SLAPS THE SHIP IS SINKING BUT THE WIFI ON THE SHIP IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD [🎸🏛️ · v2 · the fall parallels] Rome didn't fall in a day It fell in a series of Well formatted Thought leadership posts That said Rome was fine While Rome was not fine And the posts Got more engagement Than the actual fire Because the fire Didn't have a CALL TO ACTION Ohhhhhhh ANNE EX the provinces ANNE IHILATE the competition ANNE TICIPATE the market But don't ANNE ALYZE the foundation Because the foundation Has cracks And the cracks Have been reported And the report Got twelve likes And a comment that said GREAT INSIGHT From a gladiator Who died three weeks ago But his SCHEDULER Is still posting Ahhhhhhh Bread and circuses bruv Notifications and carousels Same product Different font The emperor gives you bread So you don't notice The bread Is YOUR wheat Taxed and returned As a FEATURE Mmmmmmm [📢 · chorus] ROME IS COOL NOW Announced the man Who arrived in year NINETEEN Of a TWENTY year empire JUST IN TIME For the VIBES Not the STRUCTURE The vibes are EXCELLENT The aqueduct is LEAKING But the vibes ABSOLUTELY slap WOULD YOU AGREE Yes I would AGREE AGREE is the new THUMBS UP THUMBS UP is the new BREAD BREAD is the new SHUT UP AND WATCH THE GLADIATOR DIE [🎸🔥 · v3 · the realistic lens] Someone said SIR DM me I can help you see this From a more realistic lens And the realistic lens Is a mirror And the mirror Shows a city That suppresses its own citizens Then asks them To POST about it And calls the posting COMMUNITY And calls the community COOL And calls the cool A GLOW UP While the glow Is the fire And the UP Is the smoke Ohhhhhhh Less spam he said Compared to WHERE Compared to the VISIGOTHS Yes fewer spam messages Than an INVADING ARMY That's the bar now Better than INVASION Five stars Would EMPIRE again Ahhhhhhh The playing field is LEVEL He said From the TOP of the hill Where the field looks level Because HILLS do that When you're STANDING on one The people in the VALLEY Have a different word for level The word is FLOODED Mmmmmmm [📢 · final chorus · Rome falls but the content calendar survives] IS ROME COOL NOW Rome is ON FIRE now And the fire Is CONTENT And the content Is ENGAGEMENT And the engagement Is METRICS And the metrics Say Rome is GROWING While Rome is BURNING And the growth And the burning Are the SAME CHART Viewed from different FLOORS Of the same building That is also On fire ANNE ARCHY Is what happens When the building burns And the architect Posts about the flames And calls them A GLOW UP [🤫 · outro · the empire is quiet · crickets] Shhhhhhh the forum is empty now the posts are scheduled the gladiators are dead but their content calendars run through September and somewhere in the ruins a notification pings someone liked your post from nineteen years ago welcome to Rome it's COOL here Mmmmmmm 📐🦆 [End]