MY SHAME over Looking Bad MADE ME the BAD Guy #addictionrecovery #betrayaltrauma

Have you ever brought your pain to your husband, only to be told "you're shaming me" — and did the conversation end right there? In this episode, Jay admits on camera that he knowingly used shame as a tactic to shut Lori down. Not because she was attacking him. But because it worked. We walk through 8 QUESTIONS about how shame operates in addiction and betrayal trauma — including the difference between legitimate shame that leads to change and illegitimate shame that becomes a hiding place. Jay also shares what he was actually protecting when he claimed he felt ashamed, and what belief about himself would have changed everything. If you've been told you're "shaming him" just for bringing up your pain, this one is for you. Questions we cover: When does legitimate shame stop being remorse and start becoming an excuse? Did Jay knowingly use "you're shaming me" to stop the conversation? What if shame over thinking you're a bad person actually makes you a bad person? What was he really protecting? What do wives misunderstand about how addicts use shame? Questions for the comments: Have you ever been told you were shaming him just for bringing up your pain? Does his shame look like the start of brokenness — or defensiveness? Addicts: what do you fear more — looking bad, or hurting your wife? Timestamps 02:44 Shame can be a great place to hide 03:53 When "I Feel Ashamed" Becomes a Weapon 06:13 He Knew It Worked 07:02 The Shame That Made Him Worse, Not Better 09:06 What Real Remorse Actually Looks Like 10:01 His Shame, Her Suffering 10:42 When the Experts Took His Side 12:35 What He Was Really Protecting 13:45 The Belief That Would Have Changed Everything 15:31 Why You Can't Skip the Hard Reckoning 17:16 What Wives Don't Know About Addict Shame 19:43 Questions for Our Listeners -- -- Who is This Channel For? If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you're the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay's compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they're looking for. #betrayaltrauma #relationships #addictionrecovery #marriageadvice #shame #guilt #guilty To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/28EfZh4vJ4yQbb... To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/28EfZh4vJ4yQbb...