Loved, But Not Feeling It | Sonja Lyubomirsky on Connection, Vulnerability & What Makes Us Happy

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside and the author of The How of Happiness_, _The Myths of Happiness_, and her new book _How to Feel Loved (with Harry Reis). Her work has reached readers in 39 countries. In this conversation she shares the five mindsets that help us feel more loved, why being known matters more than being impressive, the vulnerability paradox, what her research says about control and the future, and her own daily practice of presence and radical curiosity. This is a future built from within: less about better tools, more about the human capacity to connect. It is the Future-ready Mindstate turned toward the most personal question of all - how we love and let ourselves be loved. Chapters 00:00 Cold open: when did someone last make you feel loved? 02:33 Welcome - and how Frederik and Sonja met in Copenhagen 03:27 Waking up happy and loved: morning anxiety and the "magic potion" of a friend 04:50 What Sonja was most wrong about early on: social comparison 06:23 Social media and the comparison trap 07:56 What to do about it: "Excessive self-focus is the door to all misery" 11:06 Being genuinely happy for others 12:09 From happiness to love: why feeling loved is the key 13:47 Loved vs. feeling loved, and why the answer is to be known 19:42 The vulnerability paradox (and JFK after the Bay of Pigs) 21:58 Our relationship with the future: expectations and losing a future 24:07 The sailing story: handing over the wheel and the power of control 27:11 Self-love: the open-heart mindset and treating yourself like a kind friend 29:21 Sonja's own rituals: deep intimacy, presence, curiosity 31:20 On boredom and going beyond the words 33:49 The nature of love (Fast Future Round) 36:49 The smallest first move you can make today 39:06 NEXTletter outro Sonja's Website: https://sonjalyubomirsky.com/ Sonja's New Book: https://howtofeelloved.com/ Sonja at UCR: https://profiles.ucr.edu/app/home/pro... Frederik The Future Is How: https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/#podcast NEXTletter: https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/nextl... Online Courses: https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/course 1:1 Coaching: https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/coaching Books: https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/book Awareness Test: https://awareness.frederikgpferdt.com/ Ask Frederik: https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/ask-f... Contact: https://www.frederikgpferdt.com/contact Shop: https://shop.frederikgpferdt.com/