Why You'd Do Anything to Make Them Stay (Even When You Shouldn't)

Breakups and abandonment triggers can create some of the most overwhelming feelings a person can experience. The fear, panic and despair can feel visceral — as if you won’t cope, can’t survive and would do anything to stop the other person leaving. In this in-depth exploration, CBT Therapist Laura Oates explains why these feelings hit so hard, and how CBT can help you navigate the next 24 hours and beyond. Laura explores: • Why abandonment fear feels so intense and “life-or-death” • The unhelpful behaviours it can trigger — from clinging to shutting down • How CBT helps you survive the immediate emotional storm • The CBT model of thoughts, feelings, behaviours and bodily responses • Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) and how to challenge them • Capability Affirming Thoughts (CATs) that support you through crisis • Why breakups reactivate deep attachment patterns • The evolutionary roots of abandonment fear (“hillside fear”) • How childhood experiences shape adult attachment styles • Why insecure attachment leads to repeated painful patterns • The possibility of “earned secure attachment” in adulthood • How CBT helps you make changes now while exploring deeper roots over time This is a compassionate, practical guide for anyone struggling with the intense emotions of abandonment, whether during a breakup or in repeating relationship patterns. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact your GP, call 111, go to A&E, or contact the Samaritans at 116 123. About Laura Oates Laura Oates is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist with extensive experience in anxiety, depression, attachment-related issues and relationship difficulties. She combines evidence-based CBT tools with deep insight into how early experiences shape adult responses, helping clients develop skills for emotional stability, self-trust and healthier relationships. Request an appointment or learn more: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/laura... Disclaimer: This content is for information only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment.