20/07/2013 Foss Takes a Large Birch to Garry

This Saturday Rub clip features JB, Garry, Spud and Damo taking a phone call from The Foss, Sam Newman, who has his own things to say about the Wolf's headwobbling article. Garry first reads some tweets about Spud's work, with one clown demanding they talk some footy. Come on, is this first you've heard of Triple M? They block him, and rightly so. Then it's on to Sam. He rattles off some story about his Qantas flight being delayed, the punch line of which I don't quite understand, and then he unleashes about the poor battler Shane Crawford riding "his ass off" not being mentioned in the West Australian due to an article about Garry that Sam has had written about him a hundred times. But you can tell they really just want to get on to what Sam has planned for today, because they know it's always hilarious, and after making his way down to the Prahran library, he mentions that he's going to watch his son play football. He even has a go at him, suggesting he doesn't know how to snag the pill. But back to the article and Jim notes a lack of any mention of Garry's Footy Show colleagues, which just allows the Foss to spout some of his classic lines about Garry's cow eyes, and massaging the football. And the headline, Desperate Demon, confounds Sam because he reckons they've been desperate for 55 years. But he finally warms up when he shoehorns a mention about Melbourne's tanking charges. And you know he enjoys it because the rest of them expected it, and even Sam cracks himself up afterwards. He asks why they're bothering to broadcast this game, but concedes he will be listening to Triple M while his boy plays (yeah, right) and then Garry brings up vehicles -- another of Sam's bugbears. It invites him to talk about he drives classic cars that don't come with all the convenient bells and whistles of today's, and how he single-handedly convinced the government to demand trucks stay on the left lane. Jim brings up some of the stories Sam has told him about his time at the Geelong Grammar, including where he kicked 18 goals one day, and where he used to "bowl a few over," if you get my drift, despite the fact the school wasn't co-ed in those days. He also showed Jim the tree he once climbed to have a cigarette one day, when he was caught and summarily escorted to the headmaster's office and beaten with a very large birch. Damo pipes up to mention Essendon... only kidding. And they wish the Fossil a safe recovery from knee surgery before he and Garry go on their trek of the Kokoda Track (recently announced). He confesses he has no idea why he's doing it, apart from because Garry asked him to, and was absolutely homicidal when he learned the remuneration for such a task was only netting him 25%, while Garry was taking home 75%! So Spud asks when Sam's article is coming out, and he says the journalist told him their story about his time on the Footy Show has been shelved due to bigger things. Fair enough, Shane's ride has been pretty monumental, but no, it's because of the melon head of the Desperate Demon! Garry cuts him off and he goes away. Yeah, alright. All content owned by Southern Cross Austereo.