Was Paare wirklich zusammenhält (und was sie zerstört) | Prof. Dr. Guy Bodenmann

Professor Guy Bodenmann is one of the world's most influential and important researchers in the field of relationships. For over 30 years, he has been investigating how couples cope with stress, how they communicate, and what makes their relationships resilient in the long term. Originally working in stress research, he discovered the phenomenon of dyadic coping in a laboratory experiment with stressed couples—the realization that stress is not only dealt with individually, but always also together. In this interview, we discuss why being in love is no guarantee of lasting happiness and why even satisfied couples sometimes separate. Professor Bodenmann explains how couples manage stress together, why similarity in a partnership is more important in the long run than differences, and why skills such as communication, generosity, and flexibility determine a couple's happiness. A key focus is on the question of why around two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women—and why men are often completely taken by surprise. We also discuss healthy arguing, the dangers of silent nagging, the influence of one's family of origin on relationship behavior, how children change a partnership, and the balance between intimacy and personal freedom in a long-term relationship. This conversation serves to provide a scientific context for research findings and does not replace medical or therapeutic advice. Enjoy the episode! Guest suggestions for future Swisslectures podcasts are welcome in the comments or at [email protected] 0:00 Intro 0:57 Who is Prof. Dr. Guy Bodenmann? 1:23 How he got into relationship research 3:00 The stress experiment in the lab 6:24 The discovery of dyadic coping 10:07 What exactly dyadic coping means 12:21 Which couples cope better with stress? 14:03 Attachment Styles: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious 16:49 Similarity or Differences – What Keeps Couples Together 20:07 The Three Forms of Communication 21:50 Time for the Relationship: Chronos and Chiros 23:41 Commitment: The Investment in Love 25:27 How Skills Change Over the Years 35:19 The Swiss Divorce Rate and the Peak of 2010 36:00 The Satisfaction Paradox 38:23 Why Even Happy Couples Divorce 39:01 The Cost-Benefit Theory of Relationships 40:45 The Four Relationship Types 42:15 The Midlife Crisis When the Children Leave Home 43:44 Dating Apps and the Illusion of Better Alternatives 46:28 The Two Curves: Attraction Declines, Intimacy Rises 50:51 Why Women File for Divorce More Often 54:14 Why Men Are Often Surprised will 59:56 Arguing healthily: the brook-river-stream analogy 1:01:19 Why nagging is more dangerous than open conflict 1:04:50 Me time, We time, and time with friends 1:10:01 How to address problems constructively 1:13:28 The influence of one's own parents on the relationship 1:16:21 Is arguing in front of children harmful? 1:22:33 How a child changes a couple's relationship 1:30:09 Do crises make a relationship stronger? 1:33:18 Where is the couple's relationship headed?