Can you still have a good sex life after chronic illness? | Dr Sula Windgassen

What if not being able to go back to how your sex life was before, helped you discover much more than you knew before? This is a solo reflection episode. Dr Sula Windgassen sits with what stayed with her after one of the most memorable conversations of this podcast's first season, with psychosexual therapists Kate Moyle and Lorraine Grover as they explored what happens to sex and intimacy when illness, pelvic symptoms, or physical change enters the picture. If you haven't listened to that full episode yet, The Dark Place Between My Legs: Sex, Intimacy and What No One Tells You, this reflection stands on its own. And it will give you every reason to go and find it. What this episode explores: The concept of recovery and discovery: Why the assumption that recovery means getting back to before can quietly limit us, and what research into post-traumatic growth and benefit finding tells us about what's actually possible on the other side of difficulty. The difference between sex and intimacy. Two things we routinely treat as the same word. Kate Moyle's distinction between them changed Dr Sula's own language, and it might change yours too. When illness makes sex difficult or impossible, losing the distinction between the two can mean losing both. Finding it again opens up a different path. Your brain as your most important sexual organ: Lorraine Grover's point that no medication or physical intervention can substitute for what happens in the mind, and what that means practically for anyone navigating an adapted or changed sex life. The shame spiral. How quickly the brain moves from "things aren't working the way I'd hoped" to "there must be something wrong with me." Dr Sula shares a clinical technique for noticing and beginning to shift the thought patterns that make this harder than it already is. What healthcare professionals can do and what it costs patients when the question about sex never gets asked. A conversation that will resonate with clinicians and patients alike. And two closing invitations: curiosity about your own assumptions around sex and intimacy, and a broader exploration of what intimacy actually means to you and your relationship. This episode is for you if: You're navigating a changed sex life because of illness, pelvic symptoms, pain, or physical change You work with patients for whom this is part of the picture, and want language and frameworks to open that conversation You've been quietly wondering whether things can feel good again, in whatever form that takes 🎧 Full episode — The Dark Place Between My Legs: 👉 https://pod.link/1895564493/episode/Z... 📚 Show notes, references and resources: 👉 www.howwereallyfeel.com 📩 Mind body science mail: www.healthpsychologist.co.uk/subscribe 📱 Instagram: @the_health_psychologist_ 🎧 Listen everywhere: 👉 https://pod.link/1895564493/episode/Z... How We Really Feel is hosted by Dr Sula Windgassen, health psychologist and author of It's All In Your Body, specialising in chronic illness, burnout and trauma. This episode is supported by Convatec and the me+ Emotional Wellbeing Programme -a free holistic support programme for intermittent catheter users. Visit www.howwereallyfeel.com/in-partnership-with-convatec ⬇️ If something in this episode landed for you, share it with someone who needs to hear it and leave a comment below. What stayed with you? ----------------------------- ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 01:30 — Recovery and discovery: the assumption that before was better 03:00 — Post-traumatic growth and benefit finding -what the research says 04:50 — When turning towards difficulty opens up something unexpected 06:30 — The difference between sex and intimacy and why it matters 08:00 — Your brain is your biggest sexual organ Lorraine's insight on arousal 09:30 — The threat response and why safety has to come before arousal 11:40 — The shame spiral: how quickly we internalise faultiness 13:00 — Writing down your thought patterns — a clinical technique 14:00 — Healthcare professionals and the discomfort of talking about sex 15:20 — What it costs patients when the question never gets asked 16:10 — Invitation one: curiosity about your assumptions 17:00 — Invitation two: exploring a broader scope for intimacy