How Depression actually affects your life

I'm Amy, I'm 24 and I'm lucky enough to say I'm living my dream studying professional Dance and Musical Theatre at Dance School. For that last two years I have been recovering from about five years of living with diagnosed chronic depression and I wanted to share my journey and talk about what life actually looks like for someone like me. I want to encourage anyone who might watch this that it is possible to follow your dreams with this illness, however, I won't sugarcoat it, it isn't easy. But then, nothing is when you're living with depression. Anything you choose to do will be hard, so you might as well be doing what you love. There is definitely a lot of stigma and lack of understanding out there still about what this illness is and how it affects a person day to day which is why I'm making this video public. Don't get me wrong, I feel nervous to share this as I am always afraid that sharing this about myself will cause people to see me differently and result in even opportunities being taken away from me. However, where I don't subscribe to the idea that depression is a part of who I am, as I believe everyone with depression - chronic or otherwise - can fully recover, it is a very real part of my life at the moment and has been for the past seven years and not acknowledging that is not going to do me or anyone like me any favours. If nobody watches this video, thats ok. I mainly wanted to do this for myself as a personal video diary to look back on, however, I decided to make it public as I know that if I had been able to watch a video like this five years ago or even a year ago, it would have given me immense encouragement and validation. As well as that, perhaps it might help someone who is close to someone with depression understand a bit more without the burden of advocating and explaining being placed on their friend. 00:00 Intro 00:35 Diagnosis When did I start being depressed? What is chronic depression? 01:59 Antidepressants A little bit about antidepressants (to the best of my knowledge) here is a good article to read to educate yourself further: https://www.bio-rad-antibodies.com/bl... 04:45 Starting Dance School my start at dance school in 2021. What does having depression feel like? How the symptoms of active depression felt at dance school. in this section (at 07:51) I talk about if I have ever felt suicidal What is it like for carers / parents / friends and family members? 13:21 Self Help books, Mindfulness, CBT, Journaling, do they help? (In my experience) 14:46 ‘Functioning’ depression vs ‘non-functioning’ depression Why do people who are depressed come across as irritable / rude / cut off from their emotion? How does it affect close friends and family? 17:58 Catatonic Depression What has it looked like at its worst for me? When depressed people are catatonic, there is nothing wrong with them physically, so why can’t they move? (My experience) Sometimes a symptom of depression is not believing you deserve to get better so you can’t even try. 21:00 Back to my timeline! Why I deferred the course three times. Starting in 2021, deferring after the first term, restarting in 2022, deferring after the first term again, deferring again before even starting in 2023 and then restarting in 2024. 24:42 The Aftermath of Depression How NHS therapy helped me during this recovery period when I was no longer actively depressed but still struggling. Cognitive Dissonance and Fear Of Success. 31:11 Recovery Period What does life look like when you’re not depressed anymore but still recovering from having been depressed for so long? Feeling like you have two people living inside of you / the duality of depression Is depression a part of my identity? ‘Relapsing’ during recovery Losing the ability to trust yourself and working 35:18 Something my Psychiatrist told me Coming off antidepressants How I feel about taking happy pills 😜 37:53 My Current Fears the feeling that you don’t have enough time Fears about my career Fears about friendships Fears about any kind of commitment My support system 41:47 The Window of Tolerance An idea a councillor introduced me to that has helped me understand my experience 43:00 The Average Persons Mental Health in the world we live in 45:13 What depression has taught me about empathy 47:26 Outro (ft. My flatmate who had no idea what I was filming and thought it was a lighthearted vlog and I didn’t want to say anything to make her feel bad) PLEASE NOTE - I am not a medical professional and everything I talk about is either my personal anecdotal experience or me sharing ideas which have been explained to me by professionals to the best of my ability / understanding. I MAY HAVE GOT THINGS WRONG. Please use the keywords in the timestamp descriptions to do your own further research and don't hesitate to reach out to me if I am spreading misinformation