it's not the thing, it's your relationship to the thing: rewiring your brain

i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot & have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! just sharing my thoughts and observations for your reference ~~ as always, please share yours! 00:00 - intro 03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing 04:18 - being hot & having fun 04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation 05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you 06:27 - adjust and redefine 06:51 - your identity is dynamic 07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth 07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits 08:01 - performative slay 08:25 - radical acceptance 09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS 09:24 - doing a mental audit 09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps 10:09 - redefining your relationship to money 11:56 - redefining your relationship to love 12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad 14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive 15:18 - redefining your relationship to power 15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering 16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN 17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics 18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position 19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty 22:39 diversify your sources of validation 22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different 23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions 23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience 24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself 24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous 25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions 26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure 26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers 27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder 28:05 - people will love & hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it 28:43 - redefining your relationship to rest references: patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviour https://www.theguardian.com/society/2... Psychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership paths https://www.sciencedirect.com/science... what underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis https://www.newportacademy.com/resour... books (affiliate links): The Tao of Physics by Fritijof Capra https://amzn.to/4fclpTM The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck https://amzn.to/496J0SD all about love by bell hooks https://amzn.to/496J0SD The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf https://amzn.to/4nn36gF Ways of Seeing by John Berger https://amzn.to/48TJgnu related videos: the six pillars of self-esteem x being hot & having fun    • the book that changed my brain chemistry: ...   baddie book club recordings:    • baddie book club   hot girl habits    • hot girl habits for crazy b*tches ☆   increasing your baseline    • increase your baseline: discipline, accept...   relationships are transactional    • the vibe you bring to the function - relat...   everything is vibes    • everything is vibes - be hot and have fun!!!   situationships are self-harm    • situationships are self harm   when you friend is being a hater    • is your bestie acting like a hater? (femal...      • the price of slaying is haters   you can’t afford to be nonchalant    • you can't afford to be nonchalant   meditiation    • meditation for the unhinged & chronic over...   what is love    • UNDERSTANDING LOVE: DEFINING CONNECTION   non negotiable hobby    • non-negotiable hobbies for confidence: my ...      • 82 - non negotiable hobby   people pleasing    • people pleasing dynamics (GRWM)      • how to recover from people pleasing ☆ frie...   follow me on IG ☆   / amberakilla   i’m on substack!!! https://substack.com/@amberakilla subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/h... The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/t...   / friend.crush   https://substack.com/@amberakilla/   / amberakilla      / @amberakilla     / amberakilla     / amberakilla   https://open.spotify.com/user/amberak...