芳賀友達いない問題を精神科医が解説します。

Good evening. I'm Takahiro Haga, a psychiatrist. Today, I'll start with the topic of "not having friends" and discuss the thought patterns that often lead to suicidal ideation, which I also cover in my book, "My Inner Suicidal Ideation." Specifically, these are "overgeneralization," "relativization of values," and "conditionalization of love." These are mental traps that people easily fall into when under intense stress. This time, I'll explain using a very personal example: "I couldn't find anyone to go drinking with on the weekend." I rarely drink alone at home. I don't drink on weekdays either. If I do drink, it's usually at a drinking party. However, this Saturday, I really wanted to go drinking. Somehow, my biorhythm told me, "I want to go drinking with someone today." However, since I often drink with the same people, I wanted a change of pace and wanted to drink with someone different. So, I posted on Facebook. I use Facebook in a fairly private way. Unlike YouTube, Instagram, or TikTok, where I connect with a large, unspecified audience, my Facebook is only connected to real-life acquaintances: classmates from middle school, high school, and university, and colleagues from my residency. I have about 300 connections. I posted on Facebook, "Is anyone free to go drinking this Saturday at 7 PM? DM me." So, what were the results? I received zero DMs. Not close to zero, but literally zero. There were also zero comments. And, remarkably, zero likes. I was surprised that something like this could happen on Facebook. Of course, I've seen many other people post "Is anyone free to go drinking this weekend?" Those posts usually receive comments like, "I can't make it that day, but I'd love to drink with you another time," or later, "I found someone! Thank you everyone!" However, in my case, I received zero DMs, zero comments, and zero likes. This is quite disheartening. It leaves me feeling uneasy. It's a frustrating feeling. You think, "Surely they could at least give me a 'like'?" Where have all my middle school, high school, and university classmates, my colleagues from my residency, gone? At the very least, a 'like' would be a matter of etiquette, wouldn't it? That's how I felt. This is where thoughts that easily lead to suicidal ideation come into play. First, there's "overgeneralization." After seeing this result, I felt like, "Maybe I don't have a single friend." I'd lived for 45 years, and I thought I'd had a fair number of friends and social interactions. But when I asked people out for drinks on the weekend, no one responded. Then, my thoughts suddenly spiraled into, "I have no friends," and "What have my last 45 years been for?" But, thinking calmly, this is just one incident. Some people might not have seen the post, and others might have had other plans that day. There are also people who don't use Facebook very often. Nevertheless, I took one incident and generalized it to "I have no friends." This is overgeneralization. People are easily caught in this trap when something unpleasant happens. In my case, the single point that "no one responded when I invited them out for drinks" led me to feel "I have no friends at all." This only amplified my negative feelings. The second is "relativization of value." My goal was simply to find someone to go out for drinks with on the weekend. That's all it was supposed to be. However, other people's posts get responses. They get likes. It seems like they're even getting DMs. The moment I compared myself to them, I felt miserable, thinking, "They get responses, but I don't." In reality, how many people invite others out, or how many likes they get, has no direct bearing on my happiness. There's no need to compare other people's responses to my own. However, when you receive no DMs, no comments, and not even a single like on your posts, you inevitably start comparing yourself to others. You think, "Other people get reactions, but I don't." This is the relativization of value. When you start determining your value by comparing yourself to others, it becomes very painful. Because you start to feel that your value is determined by the number of likes and DMs you receive. The third is "conditionalizing love." I usually invite people out for drinks via LINE, make reservations, and handle all the arrangements. Otherwise, the get-together might not even happen. Then, before you know it, you start to feel like, "If I don't invite them directly, make reservations, and handle all the arrangements, am I not worthy of going out for drinks?" This is the conditionalizing of love. "If I don't make the effort to invite them, people won't meet me." "If I don't handle the arrangements, I have no value." "If I don't offer something, I won't be loved." In this way, you start attaching conditions to love and human connections. In my case, I saw myself as thinking, "If Haga doesn't make the reservation, make the plans, and contact me directly, then go...