Catatonia, Dissociation, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, shutdowns, crashes, breakdowns, meltdowns.

This video has edited captions in English. Speaking quite fast, so captions may help. My name is Xanthe Wyse and I have been formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type 1), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder. I have been sharing some of my internal experiences of what it is like to have these conditions. There is a lot of subjectively and other people may have similar or different experiences. Psychologists and psychiatrists look at what goes on from the outside, so I like to compare with what goes on internally for me. I have been informed by a psychologist that I have been in a catatonic state when I was frozen for several minutes, mute, unresponsive and that this is quite common with bipolar disorder and other conditions (originally described with schizophrenia apparently). My internal experience of catatonia was what I describe as a 'full' dissociation - identical to going under general anesthetic and coming out of it again. With nothing in between. No memories, no concept of time. Whereas other dissociations are more like trances. Some have been complete immersion in music playing in the background and unable to hear anyone or anything else nor feel pain. I have been diagnosed with the shutdown presentation of PTSD. Shutdowns, meltdowns, breakdowns, crashes are not clinical terms but they are still used by clinicians with communicating with patients. Shutdowns are like a freeze (alternative to fight or flight). For me they also nearly always have dissociation. Dissociation is the mind escaping. Meltdowns aren't a clinical term. Apparently 'emotional dysregulation' is the closest clinical term. Fight or flight response can be a part of that. Breakdowns aren't a clinical term. Apparently 'decompensation state' is the closest clinical term. Crash is not a clinical term. But it is still used by people with bipolar and it has been used by my mental health professionals to describe the rapid 'crash' from mania or hypomania into depression. I have difficulty looking at the camera because it is one way social anxiety disorder affects me. It is too much like eye contact for me and also like public speaking - very anxious inducing for me. I also need to fidget/stim to discharge the energy of anxiety and/or elevated mood plus to help 'ground' myself so I can speak (fighting against dissociation).   / bipolarcourage     / couragebipolar