EP 87: Dr. Christine Cocchiola on Coercive Control and How Protective Parents Can Heal the Damage

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, a therapeutic parenting and divorce custody coach, social justice advocate, and survivor of coercive control. Drawing from both her professional expertise and lived experience, Dr. Christine developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused model that helps parents support children harmed by abusive partners. She is an internationally recognized educator on coercive control, presenting to professionals, advocates, and protective parents on the dynamics of abuse and effective intervention strategies. She is also the author of Every Moment of Every Day, co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld, and her TEDx talk, It Is ALL Coercive Control, has been viewed more than 1.4 million times. During the conversation, Dr. Christine shares her personal journey through nearly 30 years of psychological abuse and explains how coercive control extends beyond intimate relationships to manipulate children, families, and even court systems. She discusses tactics such as triangulation, reactive abuse, and the challenges protective parents face while navigating custody disputes. Together, Laura and Dr. Christine explore the critical role of the protective parent, emphasizing that unconditional love, secure attachment, and emotional safety are some of the most powerful tools for helping children heal from abuse. They also discuss grief, rebuilding trust, and restoring family bonds after leaving an abusive relationship, offering hope and practical guidance for survivors seeking to break the cycle of coercive control. Key Topics & Timestamps Introducing Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola (00:01:34) The host introduces guest Dr. Cocchiola, detailing her expertise in coercive control, protective parenting, and her professional work. Dr. Cocchiola Personal Story (00:03:30) Dr. Cocchiola shares how she became an advocate at 19 and later realized she was in a coercively controlling relationship. The Abuser's Playbook (00:05:04) The speakers discuss how abusers follow a predictable pattern of behavior, which can help victims anticipate their next moves. Repairing Relationships with Children (00:06:38) Laura discusses repairing her relationship with her adult children after leaving her marriage and apologizing for her reactive behavior. Reframing "Reactive Abuse" (00:07:45) Dr. Cocchiola reframes "reactive abuse" as self-defense, explaining that victims' reactions are out of character and caused by trauma. How People End Up in Abusive Relationships (00:10:06) The speakers discuss how upbringing, whether good or bad, doesn't always predict who will end up in an abusive relationship. Identifying Power Dynamics in Therapy (00:24:36) Dr. Cocchiola demonstrates how a therapist can identify a power imbalance by asking specific questions about the relationship dynamics. The Dangers of Couples Counseling (00:27:06) Laura shares her negative experience with a marriage counselor who dismissed her concerns and sided with her ex-husband. Securing Attachment with Your Child (00:31:32) Dr. Cocchiola emphasizes creating a secure attachment by allowing children to be their authentic selves and providing unconditional love. Abusers Fracturing Family Relationships (00:35:34) The discussion covers how abusers triangulate and pit siblings against each other to maintain control and isolate family members. The Grief of Protective Parents (00:38:54) Dr. Cocchiola talks about the immense and disenfranchised grief protective parents experience when their relationship with their children is harmed. Hope for Protective Parents (00:46:04) Dr. Cocchiola offers a message of hope, reminding protective parents that they are their child's greatest healer and superpower. How to Connect with Dr. Cocchiola (00:48:18) Dr. Cocchiola shares where listeners can find her work, including her website, podcast, and TEDx talk. RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST:   / thatswhereimatpodcast   INSTAGRAM:   / thatswhereimatpodcast   COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com... MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com... JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recove... FOLLOW DR. CHRISTINE: Website: www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com Instagram:   / dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol   It’s All Coercive Control TedX:    • It’s All Coercive Control | Christine Cocc...   Every Moment of Every Day: https://a.co/d/07qnzCqm FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld: https://a.co/d/04A40bT2 Perfect Prey: A Coercive Control Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... "A protective parent's greatest strength is the unconditional love they never stop giving."