MST3K - Favorite Moments - Girl in Gold Boots

In episode 1002 evil Pearl Forrester tries to prove that she is worthy of certification by the Institute of Mad Scientists by subjecting Mike and the bots to Girl in Gold Boots. The girl Michele who has aspirations of stardom in the rather specialized field of dancing like a drunken giraffe with a severe back problem rather than further pursue her career as a waitress at the very aptly, if rather demandingly, named truck stop EAT, hooks up with a violent but somewhat incompetent minor hoodlum and heads for an excessive montage of the neon lights of LA. On the way they pick up a very soulf(o)ul hipster/songwriter/draft dodger called Critter (yes, indeed) who for some inexplicable reason insists on trying to turn the movie into a musical, breaking into song whenever the movie reaches new heights of emotional indifference. After a rather longwinded trek through nothing where we are treated to a beach buggy ride and a dinner followed by the riveting "can-you-pay-for-your-own-share"-scene, the un-dynamic trio finally reaches LA, where the horrors of living your dream is truly revealed to us. Well, not really. Michele dances and goes to bongo parties (no, I don't have a clue what that's about either), Critter finally gets a job and actually manages to sell a song, and our hoodlum gets promoted from gas station robber to pusher and spontaneous killer of old men with tire irons -- in a prison, no less -- which they broke into... All in all they are not doing that bad for themselves considering what they started with. Anyway, the rather dodgy nature of Leo McCabe, the overly oily owner of Haunted House (what happens when a circus announcer opens a strip club with no actual stripping), leads Critter to "save" Michele from a fate worse than... well, something, I guess... and accept the fact that as a male he is obliged to go to war and kill a bunch of strangers in a foreign country for no particular reason. Oh yeah, and get married -- it is LA after all... And that, as they say, is that... whatever that was... Fun Fact: The director of this eyesore is Ted V. Mikels. If you want to get an idea of where the man found his talent he was assistant director on Ed Wood's Orgy of the Dead and befriended Ray Dennis Steckler for about 40 years -- yes, Mixed Up Zombies Steckler! He was also cinematographer for Catalina Caper (mst3k episode 204). Yup, this has quality written all over it, doesn't it? Other Fun Fact: Mark Herron (the oily McCabe) was actually married to Judy Garland from 1965 to '66. Yet Another Fun Fact: The bongo drummer is Preston Epps who released three albums from 1960 to 1963 -- "Bongo, Bongo, Bongo", "Bongola", and "Surfin' Bongos". Now, that's what I call honesty in marketing. Anyway, in this episode you should look out for a crummy critter, Arafat in the sixties, uglyhead, the giant toddler dance, the jerk and pony marathon, a really nude sister, a man smelling like ham, Natural Born Cheapskates, a breast shortage in LA, a man enjoying a radial, a disgusting 100.000 dollar demonstration, tin Hershey bars, dancers wearing oven bags, Batman, a motorized beach-bathtub, an icky elf, convulsions, when sexy becomes annoying, a bag of critter pellets, a teleporting man, a man reproducing asexually, smothering eyelashes, the wounded turkey dance, the Drink, Boink and Regret, and Dr. Critter. Enjoy! (If you're wearing gold boots...)