They Only Meant to (II) Trilogy

The steel door opens at five AM, A choir of sinners coughing up phlegm. The guards walk the line with clubs in their fist, Looking for a back that they haven’t yet missed. Guard Miller smiles with a sadist’s eye, I flinch when his gaze hits, but I don’t dare to flee. And the wind through the bars whispers: you broke your home. And the shackles rattle heavy on the stone. They only meant to mend me, but the chains just dig in deep. They only meant to punish, but the guilt’s all I can keep. I only meant to erase my name... Now the state owns my body, and the dirt owns my shame. Last week a boy from block number four, Slipped in the showers, never rose from the floor. A shiv in his back for a debt unpaid, Now he’s just meat where the rats have laid. The guards turned their backs while the blood ran free, They don’t feed men here, they just cage the beasts. Letters came from my sister’s hand, Stacked by my cot like a rebuke so grand. The ink bleeds slow on the prison floor, Words I won’t read, though I ache to the core. She begs for my heart, but I’ve none left to give, Just the weight of the past and the will not to live. The lawyer asked why I didn’t fight the plea, Why I signed the paper for eternity. He didn’t understand the fog in my head, How a panicked fist left my darlin’ dead. When she saw the bottle, when she tried to drink my sedatives— One swing, one fall, and the light left her eyes. Sometimes I dream she’s breathing soft, Then the cell door slams and the vision’s aloft. The noose in my mind pulls a little more tight, When the memory strikes, it cuts like a knife. I never meant to steal her breath away, I only meant to die alone, not strike her that day. And the wind through the bars whispers: you broke your home. And the shackles rattle heavy on the stone. They only meant to mend me, but the chains just dig in deep. They only meant to punish, but the guilt’s all I can keep. I only meant to erase my name... Now the state owns my body, and the dirt owns my shame. Every scar on my skin is a cellblock toll, But they can’t worsen the ruin that’s inside my soul.