Why We Say “You” Instead of “I” When Talking About Pain

Want to bring this conversation to your workplace, team, or community? Bonnie and Ted offer speaking, workshops, books, and interactive sessions to help people move through shyness, anxiety, confidence, leadership, and feeling stuck. Learn more: Ted: https://tedsimmonsspeaks.com/ Bonnie: https://bonniebrindlespeaks.com/ ------ Have you ever noticed someone suddenly stop saying “I” and start saying “you” while talking about something painful or vulnerable? In this episode of Stepping Out of Stuck, Ted Simmons and Bonnie Brindle explore a subtle but powerful defense mechanism often connected to shyness, anxiety, trauma responses, emotional safety, and vulnerability. As the conversation unfolds, they discuss how people unconsciously shift from first person (“I felt…”) to second person (“you feel…”) when discussing difficult experiences. What seems like a small language change may actually reveal emotional discomfort, fear of judgment, embarrassment, or an attempt to emotionally protect ourselves while still trying to connect with others. Ted reflects on discovering this pattern while writing his book Shy Is My Superpower, and Bonnie shares how recognizing these shifts can help us better understand people in conversations, workplaces, friendships, and emotionally charged situations. This episode explores: hidden emotional protection patterns anxiety and emotional deflection why vulnerable conversations feel unsafe communication habits connected to trauma how shy people try not to feel alone emotional intelligence in conversations recognizing pain points in others using awareness to build deeper connection If you’ve ever struggled to explain your feelings, soften your story to protect yourself, or felt emotionally exposed while talking about personal experiences, this conversation may resonate deeply. Chapters ⸻⸻ 00:00 – The Hidden Language Shift Why people switch from “I” to “you” during emotional conversations 00:45 – First Person vs Second Person Breaking down the subtle communication difference 01:48 – Why Pain Changes Our Language How emotional discomfort quietly changes speech patterns 02:28 – Anxiety and Emotional Protection Why vulnerable stories suddenly become generalized 03:18 – Trying Not to Feel Alone The hidden need underneath second-person language 04:19 – Recognizing Emotional Pain Points How Bonnie notices language shifts in conversations 05:00 – Ted’s Book Writing Realization Discovering emotional distancing while writing personal stories 06:09 – The Protection Becomes Automatic Why most people never notice they’re doing it 07:22 – The Hidden Rule Behind Deflection How anxiety teaches us to emotionally soften vulnerability 08:12 – Why Puppets and Characters Feel Safer The surprising connection between storytelling and emotional safety 09:29 – Deflection, Shame, and Connection How people unconsciously protect themselves in conversation 10:04 – How to Recognize Emotional Discomfort Using language shifts to better understand people 11:22 – Helping Someone Feel Emotionally Safe How trusted conversations create deeper honesty 12:25 – A Reminder About Awareness and Growth Learning to notice the hidden rules behind our behavior ⸻ Subscribe for weekly conversations about shyness, anxiety recovery, confidence building, leadership growth, and stepping out of stuck. ⸻ Connect with Bonnie here:   / bonnie-brindle-the-anxiety-avenger   https://bonniebrindlespeaks.com https://bonniebrindle.com Functional Fitness Over 50 Community - https://www.skool.com/practical-pilat... FREE Calm Your Chaos Community — https://www.skool.com/calm-your-chaos... FREE Newsletter – Musings From the Menagerie — https://www.bonniebrindle.com/musings Connect with Ted Simmons here: https://tedsimmonsspeaks.com/   / ted-simmons