„Dziecko jest na zawsze jak hologram w tobie". Czy matka ma taką chwilę, gdy myśli tylko o sobie?

Motherhood isn't just about emotional moments and Instagram photos with a perfectly smiling baby. It's also about a sense of responsibility, grappling with one's own emotions, and the awareness that "you can't turn it off—it's here forever," as psychologist Marta Niedźwiecka puts it. In the eighth episode of the Zwierciadła podcast, "The Essentials of a Modern Girl," Joanna Olekszyk talks with her about the pros and cons of motherhood. The episode is sponsored by NIVONA, a manufacturer of automatic coffee machines. "The Modern Girl's Essentials" is a space for conversations about women's real experiences. The eighth episode shows that motherhood isn't a pastel picture, but a demanding, transformative role that requires support, awareness, and courage. Between Ideal and Reality The image of motherhood we know from social media differs significantly from everyday experience. "This isn't a time on a cloud, as we're told on Instagram," says Marta Niedźwiecka, emphasizing that parents also experience extremely strong, negative feelings toward their children. This is normal and natural, though often repressed in public discourse. Joanna Olekszyk adds: "I heard this advice from Dorota Golec, a psychotherapist, regarding teenagers: you have to get through this time and not take revenge." Overresponsibility and Cultural Pressure Polish mothers are particularly burdened – not only by caregiving but also by societal expectations. "Mothers in Poland are burdened with excessive responsibility, as if there were no father, family, or peers. If anything, it's a mother," says Niedźwiecka. It's no coincidence that many women feel pressured to be perfect. "Polish women are terrorized by the expectations of motherhood," the expert adds. In practice, this means that a woman becomes not only a mother but also the emotional center of the entire household. "The moment we bring a person into the world, we cease to be singular, and that was one of the most terrifying discoveries: that this cannot be turned off—it's permanent," admits Marta Niedźwiecka. Motherhood completely changes a woman, introducing a duality that cannot be erased. "A child is forever like a hologram inside you," adds the psychologist, emphasizing that this experience is embedded in every aspect of life, regardless of the child's stage of development. The Most Important Skill One of the fundamental tasks of parenting is teaching children to regulate their emotions. "The fundamental responsibility of parents is to ensure that their children can regulate their emotions. And they can only learn this from their parents," emphasizes Niedźwiecka. The full capacity for emotional regulation doesn't emerge until around the age of 25, meaning that for many years, parents remain the emotional reference point. Meanwhile, in Poland, the traditional model persists, in which men readily "delegate their emotions to women." Does a mother have time just for herself? Joanna Olekszyk asks directly: "Does a mother ever have a moment when she can only think about herself?" The answer isn't simple, because, as Niedźwiecka notes, motherhood redefines one's sense of identity. It's an experience that forces a constant balance between self and child, between one's own life and the responsibility for a new existence. A Relationship That Changes Everything Although the relationship with a child can be difficult, many mothers can't distance themselves from it. "Many women cling to this relationship," notes Niedźwiecka. Meanwhile, healthy motherhood isn't idealization, but adequacy. "A mother has to be adequate, as we say in psychology," she explains. This means accepting both her own feelings and the fact that a child is not created to meet the needs of a parent. "We need to understand that children are not there to make us feel comfortable and happy. Their purpose is to expand," the psychologist adds. This episode is sponsored by NIVONA, a manufacturer of automatic coffee machines that help us find peace in everyday life. Sometimes all we really need is a moment with our own thoughts and a cup of coffee that tastes exactly how we like it.