Clear under pressure: confidence, conflict and communication when the stakes are high

What happens to your communication when pressure hits? In this conversation, Kaffy Rice-Oxley speaks with Garth Stinson, founder of Training for Reality, about how to stay clear, grounded and effective when the stakes are high. Drawing on his experience in the military, police, counterterrorism and leadership training, Garth shares practical lessons on confidence, conflict, decision-making and communication under pressure. This episode explores what really happens in the brain and body when we feel threatened, challenged or overwhelmed. Whether you are handling workplace conflict, leading a team through uncertainty, presenting under pressure or dealing with a difficult conversation, the same nervous system responses can take over. The question is how we learn to work with them rather than fight against them. Garth explains why people often make poor decisions when adrenaline is running the show, and why creating thinking time is one of the most important communication skills in any high-stakes situation. He shares his WAR model, which stands for wait, acknowledge and respond, as a simple way to slow down, validate emotion and avoid escalating conflict. The conversation also explores breathing techniques, the fight, flight and freeze response, the difference between looking confident and being genuinely grounded, and how to read a room in crisis situations. Garth shares powerful examples from his operational background, including his experience responding to the London bombings on 7 July 2005, and explains why “chaos is normal” when people are trained to function under pressure. Later in the episode, Kaffy and G discuss ethical influence, manipulation, trust, rapport and the power of human connection. Garth explains why real influence is built through honesty, shared values and understanding people’s motivators, not by exploiting vulnerabilities. The episode closes with an important conversation about trauma, decompression and why talking to someone is a strength, not a weakness. In this video, you’ll learn: How to communicate clearly when pressure is high How to use the WAR model: wait, acknowledge and respond How to validate emotion instead of escalating conflict How to create thinking time before making decisions How to use breathing to regulate your nervous system How fight, flight and freeze affect communication How to ask open questions that slow down an angry conversation How to read body language and spot changes in behaviour How to train for pressure before a real crisis happens How to build trust, rapport and human connection in difficult situations How to decompress after high-stress experiences The core message is that clear communication under pressure is about understanding what your body is doing, creating enough space to think and choosing your response with intention. With training, self-awareness and practice, you can learn to stay more present, more human and more effective in the moments that matter most. Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction to the interview series 00:25 Meet Garth Stinson from Training for Reality 01:02 What pressure does to communication 01:26 The most common mistakes people make under pressure 02:31 Creating thinking time and using a decision-making model 03:12 How to stay clear when pressure hits 03:47 Breathing, the vagus nerve and calming the body 04:49 The WAR model: wait, acknowledge and respond 06:06 Nervous system regulation and anxious speaking 07:10 The high road and low road in the brain 09:02 The psychological sigh and fast breath regulation 09:56 What real confidence looks like under pressure 13:04 Why alignment between words and body matters 14:48 Reading the room in high-stakes situations 16:22 Hostile reconnaissance and crowded environments 19:04 How to scan a room effectively 20:20 Granular signs that someone may be escalating 21:03 Adrenaline, cortisol and physical signs of stress 22:30 Why some physical responses are hard to control 23:25 Leadership communication and choosing how you come across 24:41 Self-awareness, triggers and emotional honesty 25:14 Suspending your ego as a leader 25:46 Knowing your personal tells under pressure 26:22 Self-awareness, self-regulation and emotional intelligence 27:00 Controlling a shaky voice 28:09 Chaos is normal 28:17 G’s experience at the London bombings on 7 July 2005 29:32 Why realistic training matters 31:08 Familiarity, practice and training for reality 32:16 Scenario-based training and memory under pressure 33:12 Why memorable training matters in real situations 36:13 The value of scenario-based training 37:53 Practising in safe, low-stakes environments 38:47 Ethical influence versus manipulation 41:33 Connection before content 42:14 Motivators and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs 43:45 The power of human connection 46:05 Talking, trauma and reducing stigma   / kaffyrice-oxley     / garth-stinson