Dementia Caregiving Can Make You Feel Like an Awful Person

Alzheimer's Disease, and other forms of cognitive impairment and dementia, are brutal and horrible afflictions. These cruel conditions ravage sufferers and rob them of their basic humanity. But they take their toll on family members and caretakers as well. In this video, I tackle what is perhaps my most delicate subject to date: Just how can you cope when the pressures of being a caregiver grown so burdensome that you find yourself riddled with doubt and self-loathing? What do you do when you have disturbing thoughts that drive you to fear that you've become a terrible person? Drawing from my own experiences (and with sometimes embarrassing candor) I try to lay bare some of the ways in which caring for my dad made me feel awful -- about the overall situation, about the interventions I had to perform, and about myself. The main sections and topics are: 00:00 Introduction 01:53 #1 Feeling bad that you missed the signs of dementia 02:50 #2 Lamenting you're inability to provide meaningful assistance 05:14 #3 Regretting times when you had to turn to 'authorities' 08:50 #4 Experiencing shame because you are sometimes embarrassed by them 11:50 #5 Losing patience with your loved one 13:32 #6 Believing they're a burden or resenting their decline 15:27 Sidelight: Know your limits 16:26 #7 Wishing they would die 23:37 #8 Being sorry you started caring for them in the first place 25:41 #9 Regretting a decision to institutionalize them 29:25 #10 Not feeling anything at all 31:25 Concluding remarks Along the way, I share numerous personal experiences and repeatedly highlight the need to be open and honest with yourself, and to seek help when or if it becomes necessary. Caveats and disclaimers: I am not a counselor, psychologist, therapist, or anything close to these. And I am not a healthcare provider or medical practitioner of any kind. Therefore, I cannot diagnose mental- or physical-health conditions, and I am unable to give specific personal advice. If you have depression or thoughts about self-harming or anything in those vicinities, you need to seek professional help. This video is intended for general educational or informational purposes only. I am speaking solely from my own experiences and reflection. And my aim is to raise awareness of these issues as well as foster feelings of solidarity among other caregivers and sufferers. The message is: You’re not alone if you feel this way or have these concerns and doubts.