i can't do this anymore

With desperate hands I rock inside my chest my aching heart again, again, never letting it grow quiet, never letting it forget the rhythm of my blood. I emptied a whole pitcher of cold, clear water in one breath. Still I cannot drown the fire hiding underneath my collarbones. No firefighter can reach it there. Just for a moment I want the world to stop. Instead, I keep running. Crying underneath a blanket, holding tight onto a pillow, shouting curses at the ceiling like every word I speak is oxygen itself, the air this universe survives on. But I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore.