Siblings: My Brother or Sister has Schizophrenia - What About Me?

Episode 18 - My Brother or Sister has Schizophrenia - What About Me? In this episode, we talk with our own daughters about the lived experience of the sibling when schizophrenia hits the family. The emotional toll on this group of family members is often swept aside in the wake of the crises involved in SMI. We give them a chance to speak. Guests: Our Daughters - Angela, Lucy and Ali PAST: What was it like for you growing up, as your sibling’s illness began? When did you start suspecting something was wrong? Did you second guess any things your parents were doing for him? Did you resent your brother for needing your parent(s) so much? Did you resent your parent(s)? And how did you work through that? (Kathy Day asked) PRESENT: What is hardest for you about your brother's illness? How do your friends feel about him? How do they best support you? Has your life changed in any positive ways because of your brother? Do you see yourself as a mental health advocate? If so, how? What is it like now? Where are you on the “graph of emotions? Do you feel cheated that your mom spends more time with sick sibling? (Cindy Grossman asked - fb) Do you fear that you could also become schizophrenic at any given time? Or your kids? (Kathy Burchett, fb) Do you feel guilty that he got sick instead of you?? (Laura Pogliano) FUTURE: 1. What are your major worries about when we parents aren't around to be front-line advocates for your brother? 2. What do you see yourself being able to do and what will you need help with? 3. What help do you hope will be in place? Links for mentions: NAMI Family-to-Family Quotes: “The hardest thing for me, right now, is just my worrying about him...worrying that he compares himself to other people...and worrying about the way he’s going to be treated.” - Ali (at around 23:00) “I worry that he’s lonely, and that he’s isolated. That hurts me deep down, knowing that he doesn’t really have anyone that he just casually sees.” - Lucy “I worry about safety- to himself, but also what harm he might cause others, (including) the safety of my parents.” - Angela Final question: What do you most want other relative groups - particularly parents - to know about your experience as a sibling of someone with SZ? How can we best be of help to you? Links for mentions: NAMI Family-to-Family Quotes: “The hardest thing for me, right now, is just my worrying about him...worrying that he compares himself to other people...and worrying about the way he’s going to be treated.” - Ali (at around 23:00) “I worry that he’s lonely, and that he’s isolated. That hurts me deep down, knowing that he doesn’t really have anyone that he just casually sees.” - Lucy “I worry about safety- to himself, but also what harm he might cause others, (including) the safety of my parents.” - Angela Fyi, from F2F manual : Common life challenges for a sibling or adult child: • Coping with disproportionate attention being given to the sibling or parent who has a mental health condition; growing up in an atmosphere of secrecy, confusion, silence, shame; witnessing frightening symptoms, psychotic episodes and personality changes • Being threatened, frightened or physically/emotionally hurt by someone who is supposed to be a caring, protective family member; experiencing the sibling or parent as “bad” rather than as someone who has symptoms of a mental health condition • Bearing the social stigma of having a loved one who is viewed as “strange,” “scary” or “different” • Supporting the emotional needs of the caretaking parents or the neglected spouse/partner • Having more chores and responsibility; having to mature quickly; pressure to be “perfect” to make up for the parent or sibling who has a mental health condition • Worrying that you caused the symptoms or condition, that you will get the condition or that you will make the parent or sibling worse • Worrying about how much you should do for the loved one; worrying about the time when the parent, or parents, die and caretaking will be your responsibility Who are the 3 moms? Randye Kaye -Broadcaster, Actress, Voice Talent, Speaker, and Author (“Ben Behind his Voices”) Miriam Feldman – Artist, Mom, Author “He Came in With It” Mindy Greiling – member of the Minnesota House of Representatives for twenty years. Activist, Legislator, Author (“Fix What You Can“)