Debra Soh: Why the Sex Recession Is Real | Dating Apps, Porn & AI Companions

Neuroscientist and writer Debra Soh joins Jonathan Kay to discuss her new book Sexinction, a study of intimacy, alienation, and the widening gap between how humans are wired and how we now live. Soh explains why she came to accept that the "sex recession" is real across developed countries, and why she sees it as a symptom of a broader decline in emotional intimacy rather than a simple change in behaviour. The conversation ranges across the forces behind the trend: smartphones, pornography, dating apps, and the growing market for sex dolls, sex robots, and AI companions. They also discuss ideological distortion in academic sex research, hypergamy and a splitting dating market, the limits of "lean in" advice given biological timelines, polyamory and jealousy, "phubbing" and everyday disconnection, and Soh's critical take on kink, pornography, and sex-positivity. Soh argues that denying biological differences between men and women pushes people toward worse decisions and fuels reactive manosphere backlash, and that her aim is not to shame but to help people avoid harm and heal. Buy Debra's new book here: https://amzn.to/3TXpqCX Chapters: 00:00 A personal introduction and the book's central idea 04:50 Debra Soh's scientific background and the case for a sex recession 09:19 Academic bias and why sex research gets distorted 13:04 Technology, sex dolls, and artificial intimacy 16:36 Dating apps and the decline of satisfying relationships 19:18 Swiping, matching, and rarely building anything real 21:23 Hypergamy, status, and the changing dating market 24:10 Why men should initiate and women should vet carefully 27:56 A critique of "lean in" advice 31:10 Unrealistic expectations and the "three sixes" ideal 36:40 The pressure to be visibly "perfect" 37:49 Polyamory, jealousy, and why the model often fails women 42:30 House-husband narratives and progressive relationship ideals 50:02 Biology, hypergamy, and why denial creates backlash 52:34 Phubbing and everyday intimacy breakdown 54:52 Sexlessness and the academic orthodoxy she would challenge 57:39 Why these practices deserve scrutiny, not automatic approval Subscribe for more conversations on ideas, culture, and free enquiry. Transcript here: https://quillette.com/2026/07/27/debr... --- Quillette is an Australian-based online magazine that focuses on long-form analysis and cultural commentary. It is politically non-partisan, but relies on reason, science, and humanism as its guiding values. Quillette was founded in 2015 by Australian writer Claire Lehmann. It is a platform for free thought and a space for open discussion and debate on a wide range of topics, including politics, culture, science, and technology. Quillette has gained attention for publishing articles and essays that challenge modern orthodoxy on a variety of topics, including gender and sexuality, race and identity politics, and free speech and censorship. --- Quillette's revenue comes from our readers. We are a grassroots organisation that relies on voluntary subscriptions and community membership as our primary revenue stream. Support Quillette by becoming a subscriber: https://quillette.com/#/portal/signup Or donate send us a one-off tip: https://quillette.com/#/portal/support We made our website using Ghost, a powerful app for new-media creators to publish, share, and grow a business around their content. It comes with modern tools to build a website, publish content, send newsletters & offer paid subscriptions to members. Try it here: https://ghost.org/?via=claire91