Mild Abuse and its Consequences: a factual, personal, family photo story (1930 to 2024)

I only experienced a handful of abusive experiences. So my experience was not the same as most other children who were abused. Some children are abused on a weekly, and sometimes daily basis, so their recovery process probably has to be different from mine. The recovery process is a different topic. Although my purpose for posting this is to reflect the real world, it happens that there are a few things that are unique. [There is an exception to every rule; and some things can't be generalized.]. My case was unique in that I only had a handful of abusive experiences (so my recovery was easier than the average abused person). Also, Mom was able to change her behavior by simply changing her beliefs. She didn't have to change toxic habits or skills, she just changed her beliefs from that of a school teacher to her family of origin. This is a realistic, personal, and truthful photo story about my journey through life. I was abused in a way that turned me into a painfully shy child. This video looks at how I worked to fit into the real world, to recover from shyness, to take on an adult role, and to survive family conflicts. I did my best to keep it all simple, brief, and accurate. Some will feel the story moves slow, and there are excessive photographs. But I have had negative feedback. One counsellor claimed that my mother was toxic and I am in denial. So the basic story includes lots of photographs, to help viewers make their own judgements. I don't know when I will do Part 2, my adult years. I doubt if there will be much interest in it. Most of the important events in my life were covered in Part 1. In Part 11, the patterns continue. So we just have more of the same weaknesses, problems, and behavior. ADDITIONAL NOTES: A. As a teenager I did a painting of 2 people in red, fighting (which is in the video). It is a little misleading, but I used it anyway because the odd person will avoid details and claim nothing happened. That painting clearly illustrates that I recognized something wrong within myself. When I created it, I sensed there was conflict inside me, so decided to create an image that displayed that conflict in the hopes it would help me release it, or at least get closer to the source of the problem. But that didn't happen. B. In the narration I state that generally I was feeling edgy. That was a key long term inner symptom that goes along with a tight stomach and fearful view of the world. I didn't have boundaries and didn't know how to set them. Without boundaries I was vulnerable, and that gave me another reason to be fearful. C. When I was real young, my brother called me "numbskull." I find that word is a fairly accurate description of my slow thinking ways. For much of my life, I had a foggy mind that was rusty, tired, and sleep deprived, resulting in memory blocks and thinking errors. Even writing this has been slow process; lots of rewrites. Each word and sentence was carefully evaluated many times (and I probably still need to make changes). COMMENTS: {it appears that Youtube turned the comments off} One important verbal comment suggested a weakness. WHAT MADE THE SPANKING of Bruce and Doreen ABUSIVE? (1) Bruce seemed stubborn, he tended to be certain he was right. His thinking skills were similar to Dad's. Dad would talk out loud in a monologue, think up his opinion without research, and then feel certain he was right. (2) The positions of Bruce and Mom had become polarized, so that may have increased Bruce's stubbornness. Bruce's feelings had been impacted by weeks (and maybe months) of nagging. Bruce says he can't recall these experiences. He is the only one who might sometime know how rigid, angry, and stubborn he had become; and how it impacted him as an adult. (3) As a 4 year old, Bruce had actually experienced no restrictions on his bedtime. So that might have helped him form a strong opinion about how he should be treated. When Bruce was 4, Mom gave Bruce permission to stay up as long as he wanted. So when I babysat, he chose to lay on the couch while watching TV. It was maybe 11 PM when he dozed off. I woke him up to tell him that if he was tired, he could go to bed. He said he wasn't tired. He was soon back to sleep. Then I woke him again and told him that he could go to bed if he felt tired. He again said he wasn't tired; then went back to sleep. Last May I recalled this, then realized it happened about 3 years before the confrontation. It might have convinced Bruce that he should get the choice to not go to bed. This may have added to his determination to resisted my demands, and Mom's nagging. (As an adult, Bruce prefers no spankings surrounding bedtime issues. I agree that there are better approaches. Bruce now says he can't recall these experiences; Doreen hasn't added anything more.)