The Haters Guide to the 2023 Stanley Cup Final

I can't talk, I'm currently consuming so much playoff overtime it's occupied every aspect of my being. If you find me unconscious, please put the 2019 Golden Knights/Sharks Game 7 IV in me. In case of emergency, break spirits and break the glass ceiling. This is playoff hockey, where every moment is intense and every call made is needlessly controversial. May the festivities begin!