If I’m honest (original Christian song)

I want to give a heads up before listening to this song.. it is not a pretty praise and worship song. But for some reason I feel like God wanted me to share it. In the past year I’ve experienced a lot of hurt because of false expectations I had of God. I grew up in the church, and was familiar with testimony’s of God rescuing people miraculously- in today’s life and in the Bible. Because of this I had this fixed mindset that that is the only way God moves. So when I was struggling and God didn’t move that way, I thought he had forsaken me. I wrote this song to walk through my feelings on the subject of lost expectations and false preconceptions I had about God. For awhile, I was so scared and angry at God, and frozen that I couldn’t access my feelings or think through it. And I used this song to cope and work through my feelings. As well, it helped me get the words out and known to God. Thinking of letting God back in and being hurt again was scary, but I was willing to have a little bit of hope that it would get better. Now I have learned to accept that my testimony will not be the same as others, and that God doesn’t intend the same things for me as he has for others. And that’s been a hard thing to learn being basically born into Christianity, and being praised as a little kid bc I knew all about God. When you think you know everything about God, you start to tell him how he should do things, or really expect him to do things a certain way. But I’ve learned that God wanted to introduce me to his plans for me, not the plans I expected him to bring me to, or the image of him I was fixated on. Anyways, for those listening to this song, I hope you can give me grace and forgive me if I say something you don’t like. But honestly, no body is perfect and maybe this song will help others who have felt like me and start to heal. Praise God for the testimony he has given me❤️