Chemical Armor

VERSE 1 I feel too much, that’s the problem Everybody’s pain, I absorb it Walk in a room, and I can read the tension Smile on their face, but I feel the intention Used to pour whiskey on the silence Used smoke just to soften all the sirens Anything to quiet my own mind Anything to make the night less mine PRE-CHORUS ’Cause being soft in a hard world Feels like bleeding in designer clothes Everybody says, “just let it go” But they don’t know They don’t know CHORUS I’m learning how to live without the high Without my chemical armor every night How to sit still when the ghosts come by How to hold my own hand when I wanna hide I’m learning how to feel and not collapse How to face myself without looking back Maybe healing ain’t pretty, maybe it’s slow But I’m trying, God, I’m trying To survive sober VERSE 2 I used to call chaos home Mistook red flags for somewhere warm Thought love had to hurt to be real Thought numb was the closest thing to healed Now the mornings hit a little harder No shortcuts, no chemical armor Just me and the mirror and truth And all the things I can’t drink through PRE-CHORUS Still being soft in a hard world Still learning boundaries are holy too Everybody wants the polished version But healing looks ugly before it looks new CHORUS I’m learning how to live without the high Without my chemical armor every night How to sit still when the ghosts come by How to hold my own hand when I wanna hide I’m learning how to feel and not collapse How to face myself without looking back Maybe healing ain’t pretty, maybe it’s slow But I’m trying, God, I’m trying To survive sober BRIDGE Maybe I was never weak Maybe I was just exhausted Carrying everybody else While my own soul was falling apart Maybe peace is unfamiliar Maybe that’s why I fight it Maybe love starts the moment I stop trying to outrun it FINAL CHORUS I’m learning how to live without the high Without my chemical armor, learning why How to trust quiet, how to trust light How to believe I deserve a better life I’m learning how to heal without applause How to forgive myself for who I was Maybe freedom is ugly before it glows But I’m here Yeah, I’m here And I’m staying sober