Strelizia - Cocoon

I’ve been gone all those years, Counting breaths, surviving fears, While the seasons kept changing, Does anyone still remember my name? There’s a young woman in my mind, She's clever, laughing all the time, Who had somewhere to be and belong. She had a heart full of fire, Ambition, desire, She believed her years would be fruitful and strong. What blueprint do I fit into? Now with a completely different worldview, No framework or guidepost to run to, Has anyone else walked this path before too? Oooh Now I stand in the after, With no map and no master, With my body half-healed and afraid, What a mercy! What a crime! To survive all that time, Just to mourn what survival erased. Everyone learned how to grow, How to leave, where to go, While I watched from outside like a ghost. They don’t wait by the gate, They don’t ask where I’ve been, They don’t look for me anymore. I wonder if they ever check the rearview glass, Or if I’m just a memory in the highschool class, They built their careers, bought houses in town, While my entire life was burning down. And it’s not just them that I miss, It’s the version of me before I became this. What blueprint do I fit into? Now with a completely different worldview, No framework or guidepost to run to, Has anyone else walked this path before too? Oooh Now I stand in the after, With no map and no master, With my body half-healed and afraid, What a mercy! What a crime! To survive all that time, Just to mourn what survival erased. A daisy facing down, Not fit for a flower crown. And I think of them still, A hard to swallow pill. In the hush between mourning and rain, Not just who they became, Not just remembering names, But grieving the self that I was with them, again. No one's curious anymore, They have moved on. No one is rude, no one's unkind, I just fear the best is already behind. I was tested by pain, Then released once again, To a world that forgot I had stayed. What blueprint do I fit into? Now with a completely different worldview, No framework or guidepost to run to, Has anyone else walked this path before too? Oooh Now I stand in the after, With no map and no master, With my body half-healed and afraid, What a mercy! What a crime! To survive all that time, Just to mourn what survival erased. I emerge from my cocoon, Under an unfamiliar moon, With no witness and no welcome sign, This foreign road of mine, The calendars changed while the blinds were drawn, Years collapsed into this single dawn, Shouldn't healing feel like a victory? But nobody warned me about who I’d be. The clouds broke, the storm cleared, But I woke up to everything I feared, The world kept spinning, changing fast, And left me yearning for the past. It’s a double punishment, To fight for your life and find you've been forgotten. What blueprint do I fit into? Now with a completely different worldview, No framework or guidepost to run to, Has anyone else walked this path before too? Oooh Now I stand in the after, With no map and no master, With my body half-healed and afraid, What a mercy! What a crime! To survive all that time, Just to mourn what survival erased. I've been gone for so long, The world feels off and wrong, Everything changed so drastically, I don't know how to see myself clearly. So I fold up my wings, All my delicate things, Still too soft for the weather outside. And I think “I’m still here”, But it won’t reach their ears, I just say it to keep it alive. I try to see, If there's anything here still for me, When I don't even know my own identity, Rebuilding from scratch sounds exhausting. I've healed to an extent, To find half the battle's still ahead, So best to get back in my shell, Than to endure this unfair second hell. What blueprint do I fit into? Now with a completely different worldview, No framework or guidepost to run to, Has anyone else walked this path before too? Oooh Now I stand in the after, With no map and no master, With my body half-healed and afraid, What a mercy! What a crime! To survive all that time, Just to mourn what survival erased.