Pourquoi les gentils enchaînent les échecs amoureux (et le diable s’amuse)

🎥 Find the man of your dreams in 90 days https://antoinepeytavin.com/love-life ✏️ Is he a narcissistic abuser? Take the test https://antoinepeytavin.com/pn ✏️ Will your relationship last? Take the test https://antoinepeytavin.com/couple 📞 Call me: https://antoinepeytavin.com/appel 👇Click on "MORE" ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ ▶ IN THIS VIDEO ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Think you're nice? Are you looking for a genuine relationship? Like a bitter taste The person receiving the gift seems: Disinterested (No longer a challenge) Will take advantage of it Your clues? Social issues! Run away from me, I'll chase you! Only the bad guys win What's interesting: A kind person doesn't consider themselves to have a problem (an interesting dichotomy) Bad news: if it makes you unhappy, it is a problem Kindness is (sometimes) an addiction Being too nice to others: forgetting yourself Seeking out someone with a problem to fix (alcohol, job) Feeling useful Example: "If I'm useful in their life, then they won't leave me" Counter-example: "Kindness is (sometimes) a foolish solution to calm anxiety" 1/ It starts with good intentions: the unconscious desire to please others The unconscious desire to please others is hiding your true identity (dishonest) It leads to: frustration resentment negative emotions It prevents you from fully realizing your Potential Positive thoughts: "You have to be kind. I've always been kind." "It's a dying value." "The bad guys always win." Internal mislabeling? Is it really kindness? Who do you end up becoming each time? The therapist, the nanny, the dad, the doctor, the nurse? Do you become who the other person wants you to be? Do you avoid conflict? We do it even if the other person doesn't ask us to. It's not our role. Kindness or submission? 2/ One day, a different situation arises It's a narcissist, a manipulator, a sociopath He's figured out your weakness And now your efforts are in vain You're like a sinking ship: Leaks everywhere Too much mental strain You're just surviving Two losing choices I help him so he doesn't leave me, he takes advantage of it I don't help him, I'm afraid 3/ Where does this fear come from? Revising the labeling: Fear of rejection Fear of hurting the other person Need for love Anticipating the other person's needs Suppressing one's own needs Emotional outbursts Caring for someone who rejects us "If I take care of you, you'll never reject me" 4/ The origin A past experience In childhood: Being someone's support system Being abandoned Not receiving parental attention and love I have a wound? It will be repeated in adulthood Poor relationships with love Feelings of abandonment Dependence How are you with your parents today? Need to prove yourself? Fear of displeasing them? Do you dare to bring up all topics? I don't feel "enough" to be loved: Not good-looking enough Not interesting enough Not kind enough If I do favors, then I'll be enough I have to go the extra mile, I have to help, I have to give When a parent: loves you too much doesn't let you become independent without them doesn't love you enough This leads to conditional love Loving by giving Loving by receiving Not accepting to be loved for who you are I'm worthless if I don't do things I'm not good enough Have you ever been in a situation where the other person does too much? Gifts Services Even when you haven't asked for anything AND expects to be indebted 5/ Accepting Rejection Image of a building with walls I don't set boundaries The other person doesn't know who I really am I give They feel indebted I do want something in return (in reality) Setting boundaries, showing who you are If I don't love myself, who will? (Matrix) It's normal to get rejected It saves time Learn how to get dumped Dependence can suffocate the other person 6/ Exercises, one step at a time We get what we fear most: Being abandoned Being alone It's a situation we create Respecting ourselves Being on autopilot and going into relationships to save ourselves Losing ourselves every time Awareness changes everything As long as we reject ourselves… we will be rejected Stop pretending everything is okay Accepting our past Moving forward as an adult Understanding our shadow side (Nietzsche) Dealing with our dependency Am I TOO nice because I ask for something? Because I'm afraid? That's a stupid way to calm anxiety. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ FOLLOW ME ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 👉 Facebook   / antoinepeytavin   👉 Instagram   / antoine_peytavin   👉 TikTok   / antoinepeytavin