The Night I Lost My Virginity

My first time having sex was... whelming. Not overwhelming, not underwhelming—just whelming. I expected sparks. I got awkward fumbling, zero pleasure, and a boyfriend who decided to ‘spice up’ our story by telling everyone he came in my hair (Are you out of your fucking mind??). So I did what any self-respecting woman would do: I dumped him, gathered every gift he ever gave me, lit that shit on fire, and walked away. This is the raw, unfiltered story of how my first sexual experience taught me that virginity is a scam, trust is earned, and revenge is best served flammable.