Before You Lower Your Standards In Dating, Watch This

Am I being too picky? - 3 Questions To Ask Yourself If you’ve been on dating apps for a while, you’ve probably asked yourself this question at some point: “Am I being too picky?” Maybe you meet lots of people… but rarely feel excited. Or maybe you’ve been dating for too many years without success and wonder every now and then if your standards are unrealistic. I’ve personally asked myself this question many times over the last few years. And today, I want to share three questions that helped me gain clarity on who to continue dating — and where flexibility actually makes sense. QUESTION #1: Are You Being Picky About The Right Traits? Most of us are attracted to two categories of traits in dating. Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Qualities The first is intrinsic qualities: Kindness, Honesty, Emotional intelligence, Reliability, Communication, Empathy These are the qualities that reflect personality, character and communication skills, shaping how someone shows up in a relationship long-term. The second is extrinsic qualities: Looks, Height, Wealth, Status, Ambition, Social image These are superficial traits that we feel drawn to based on societal conditioning, biology & ego. Ideally, we all want a mix of both. We want someone attractive AND kind. Successful AND emotionally available. But I’ve gotten into relationships and realized the hard way: A person can have all the impressive external qualities… and still not be a good partner. Someone can be attractive, successful and charismatic — but also dishonest, emotionally unavailable or manipulative. And over time, those intrinsic traits matter far more for peace and happiness long-term. One question I like to ask myself is: Would I still value this person if their looks, status or achievements disappeared? Attraction matters. But when we filter people out too quickly based on surface-level preferences, we can miss out on genuine compatibility. For example, flexibility might look like: 5'7" instead of 6 feet tall "Ambitious enough" instead of hyper-successful Different hobbies or personality styles than your usual type And make sure to make a list of intrinsic qualities that you need to thrive in a relationship. QUESTION #2: Have You Ever Actually Been In A Relationship With Your Type? We all have a type. But one of the hardest dating questions to ask ourselves is: “Who desires me and consistently sees a future with me?” Because sometimes there’s a gap between the people we desire AND the people who genuinely choose us and want commitment with us. If you find yourself endlessly swiping, dating and repeating the same cycles — this question can be uncomfortable, but really important. If settling down is a priority for you, you will have to re-evaluate which preferences are truly essential… and which ones are coming from ego, fantasy or social conditioning. QUESTION #3: Have You Truly Given Someone Outside Your Type A Chance? This one really changed my perspective. A few years ago, I intentionally started dating outside my usual type. I used to attract men who were: ambitious, successful, socially charismatic But many of those relationships lacked the internal qualities I deeply valued: emotional connection, honesty, respectful communication, emotional maturity So I thought: “Maybe I need to stop focusing so much on external traits.” And I did try that. I dated men who weren’t necessarily defined by status, ambition or achievements. I expected the trade-off would be deeper compatibility and stronger character. But interestingly, that wasn’t automatically true either. Some of those experiences taught me that a lack of ambition or direction can create other issues: expecting me to carry most of the financial responsibility expecting me to manage emotional labour, cooking and household responsibilities manipulative behaviour or lack of accountability And those dynamics didn’t work for me either. So what I’ve realized is: Dating outside your type absolutely expands your perspective. But you will still need to find common ground in shared values, effort, emotional maturity, lifestyle expectations and relationship goals. At the end of the day, Selection in dating is not about lowering your standards. It’s to be open to dating and meeting people who don’t always fit into a specific, rigid type - so you eventually find someone with enough common ground that you can build a future with.