Technically Nothing Is On Fire | Funny D&D Artificer Song

Funny D&D artificer song “Technically Nothing Is On Fire” turns one tiny engineering mistake into a full steampunk dungeon disaster: a walking door, a healing drone, blue sparks, white smoke, and an artificer who insists this is technically working. The lock was broken, the hinges were tired, and the party wanted a simple fix. Unfortunately, the artificer added fourteen gears, taught the door to walk, and built a Mercy Mini drone that healed the boss instead. Expect chaotic bardcore energy, steampunk fantasy rock, clockwork percussion, crunchy acoustic guitar, bright brass stabs, fiddle chaos, controlled panic, and a chorus made for shouting “STAND BACK!” while the safety line becomes more of a suggestion. Elowen says: “Traveler, never argue with an artificer while the smoke is still white. If the sparks are blue, the door has legs, and the healing drone is making questionable moral choices, then congratulations: this is not failure. This is calibration.” 🍻⚙️ Perfect for: • D&D campaigns and tabletop RPG nights • funny artificer moments and steampunk invention chaos • dungeon disasters caused by “minor improvements” • bardcore, fantasy rock, and RPG comedy playlists • adventurers who know it is not a bug, it is a feature If your party has ever trusted the artificer and immediately regretted learning what “field test” means, this one is for you. 📜 Lyrics: Stand back! No, farther. A little farther. Perfect. Good news: I fixed the door... Bad news: it has legs... and opinions The lock was old and rusted The hinges couldn’t cope So I added fourteen gears... and taught the door to LOPE! Now the Courtesy Door is strutting down the hall Leaving us to argue with one very solid wall! The heavy smoke is rising The pressure valves go POP You call it a disaster... I call it progress NON-STOP! You’re drawing out your weapons filled with sudden dread But look at the equations... read the notes instead! The humming sound is steady The test is looking live There’s a ninety-six percent... chance that we’ll survive! 'Cause technically nothing is on FIRE! This is technically working! STAND BACK! If the sparks are blue and the smoke is white Then the safety line is only slightly tight! It’s not a failure It’s a field-test fire! And technically nothing is on FIRE! It worked! Behold the Mercy Mini My healing little dream! The sweetest flying drone that you have ever seen It targets all the wounded with kindness in its core So naturally it healed... the boss we wounded MORE! It followed every single line I wrote You simply misunderstood... the note! You’re drawing out your weapons filled with sudden dread But look at the equations... read the notes instead! The humming sound is steady the test is looking live There’s a ninety-six percent... chance that we’ll survive! 'Cause technically nothing is on FIRE! This is technically working! STAND BACK! If the sparks are blue and the smoke is white Then the safety line is only slightly tight! It’s not a failure it’s a field-test fire! And technically nothing is on FIRE! It worked! You say the door had legs I say it rolled INITIATIVE! You say the drone healed THEM I say the triage was imperative! Put down your sword, Paladin and read the annotations An artificer doesn't FAIL she makes CALIBRATIONS! Wait... the monster crossed the safety line? Oh. That was in the notes Of course it was Splendid! See?! Technically nothing is on FIRE! This is technically working! STAND BACK! If the sparks are blue and the smoke is white Then the safety line is only slightly tight! We won by a flaw in my brilliant design! And technically nothing is on FIRE! Don't ask! Well, technically... ...it's not a bug, it's a feature. 🗺️ Continue the Night: ➡️ Funny DnD Songs & RPG Party Moments | Elowen Starfell    • I Didn't Prepare That Spell | Funny D&D Wi...   ➡️ Upbeat D&D Tavern Song for Singing & Dancing by Elowen Starfell    • Meet at the Hearth | Upbeat DnD Tavern Mus...   ➡️ The Heart Tavern | Complete Tavern Songs by Elowen Starfell    • Dice On The Table | Upbeat D&D Tavern Song...   🎧 My Music is Available Here: 🟢 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5HsvT... 🍎 Apple Music / iTunes:   / elowen-starfell   🎚️ Audio: AI assisted first draft, then refined from stems in a traditional DAW: arrangement, editing, mixing, mastering. 🎨 Visuals: AI artwork + editing. 🖋️ Lyrics: Handmade. 🕯️ Concept: Funny D&D Artificer Song #dndmusic #dndsong #dungeonsanddragons #tabletoprpg #rpgmusic #bardcore #fantasyrock #funnydnd #artificier #healingbot #steampunk #elowenstarfell