Permission to Hurt: Healing Without Losing God | Benny Ho & Dr Wai-Jia Tam | Dream Brave Podcast

Have you ever been in pain and someone tried to explain it, rebuke it, cast it out, or pray it away… before simply sitting beside you? Have you ever been told you just needed more faith, when your body was exhausted? Or left a healing space feeling more ashamed than whole? I think in many church spaces—especially in Asian culture—there can be so many voices telling us what God is saying. What our pain means. What we should do next. And somewhere along the way, we quietly lose permission to simply hurt. But what if healing sometimes looks like: permission to lament. permission to wrestle. permission to seek therapy or medicine. permission to discern. permission to not be instantly fixed. In this week’s episode of Tender & Wild, I sit down with Ps Benny Ho — founder of Faith Community Church in Perth, mentor to church leaders across Asia and beyond, and honestly, one of the safest leaders I know. He's the kind of person who carries authority without ego, wisdom without harshness, conviction without control, and somehow makes you feel safe enough to exhale. Together, we explore what trauma-informed, integrated faith can actually look like, and what happens when pain is mishandled in church spaces. We talk about: • Why trying to “fix” pain can deepen trauma • Why faith is not measured by visible outcomes • Prayer, therapy and medicine working together • Boundaries, agency and spiritual safety • Why some suffering cannot be quickly explained • What apology can look like in church leadership • And why you are allowed to walk away from unsafe systems If church hurt you in the middle of your pain, I really hope this conversation feels like a balm to your soul. You are not weak. You are not rebellious. You are not faithless because you are still hurting. And you do not have to choose between faith and safety. You deserve both. 💛 00:00 Intro to Tender & Wild 02:13 Meet Pastor Benny 06:00 Can faith, therapy & medicine work together? 12:27 Church hurt & misapplied prophecy 16:14 Why agency is essential for healing 21:03 How pain and sickness can be a gift 27:04 Why you shouldn't explain someone's suffering 29:20 How to create a safe space for those who are hurting 34:30 How to discern God's voice amid conflicting advice 37:47 "Have more faith" can be harmful 43:30 When is it appropriate to pray for someone's healing? 45:14 If the church has hurt you 51:14 The problem with ministers without accountability 58:35 Rebuilding trust in God after being in unsafe systems --------- Many people in the world have lost or buried their dreams. Kitedreams' mission is to change that. We hope this space re-inspires you to dream bravely and live boldly. Stay in touch with us: Web: www.kitedreams.org Wai Jia's Blog: http://blog.kitedreams.org/ Wai Jia's Instagram:   / drwaijiatam   Wai Jia's Facebook:   / waijia   Email: [email protected] #Kitedreams #TamWaiJia