Couple Bubble Exercise by Lana Isaacson, LCSW, CAS

This is an experiential exercise Lana Isaacson, LCSW, CAS (a Colorado couples and family therapist) created for couples to become more adept at helping each other feel safe, secure, loved, and vibrant. It also increases awareness of your partner's vulnerabilities and your skill in protecting your partner from outside stressors as well as decreasing your own behaviors that are inadvertently triggering your partner. The "Couple Bubble" concept was created by Dr. Stan Tatkin, the creator of the PACT model. Tatkin explains this concept in detail in his outstanding book, Wired for Love. Creating a couple bubble with your partner will help you become more of an expert on one another so you can more successfully meet each other's needs. Examples of what some partners write in the bubble: prioritize me, understand me, express appreciation, satisfaction in our relationship, smile at me, joy, laughter, adventure, eye contact, physical affection, compliments, check in with how I'm feeling, you plan a date and set up the babysitter, accept me for who I am, say, "I love you", tell me "It's going to be okay", cherish me, have my back, really listen to me, etc. Examples of what some partners write outside the bubble: lecture, doubt, judgment, manipulation, coercion, feel like two ships passing in the night, criticize me, call me hurtful names, feel like a third wheel to your: job, mother, friends, substance, technology, our kids, etc., care more about being right than being a team with me, lack of empathy or validation, no compliments, romance, or effort, breaking promises, etc. Allow about 30 minutes to do this exercise (15 to fill it in and 15 to discuss) with your partner. If you struggle with any part of it, allow yourselves to come back to it after you've had more time for reflection. You can also begin with a small step by committing to doing one item your partner wrote in the bubble and discuss a week later how you both feel. If you find there's a significant conflict between what one of you has written in the bubble and what one of you has written outside the bubble, consider seeking couples counseling. You can contact Lana at: lanaisaacson.com, [email protected] or 720.432.5262.