Why Kindness and Niceness Are Not the Same Thing | Sharon Salzberg

Ready to begin or deepen your meditation practice? Join Dan Harris and world-class meditation teachers on the 10% with Dan Harris app here: https://app.danharris.com/membership Most of us are talking to other humans all day, every day — and almost none of us have ever been formally taught how to do it well. Turns out the Buddha had a lot to say about this. This episode is a masterclass in what Buddhists call "right speech," delivered by one of the most beloved teachers on the planet. Sharon Salzberg is a legend in the meditation world, a co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society (which just celebrated its 50th anniversary), and the author of 13 books, including Real Happiness and her landmark work Lovingkindness. She may also be the most frequent guest ever on this show. This summer, she's teaching a special live eight-week series on the Eightfold Path on the 10% with Dan Harris app, starting Sunday July 12th at 4PM ET. Consider this episode the on-ramp. In this episode: – What the Eightfold Path actually is (and why you don't have to be a Buddhist to practice it) – A quick, clean primer on the Four Noble Truths – "Abandon the unskillful, cultivate the good" — and the line from the Buddha that shaped Sharon's whole practice – Her origin story: India, 1970, following Dan Goleman to Bodh Gaya at age 16 (well, 20 by then) – The four questions to ask before you open your mouth: – Is it true? — including a wildly convoluted lie-in-India story that will make you rethink every "harmless" fib – Is it helpful? — plus the moment Dan's brutal 360 review nearly broke him (and eventually rebuilt him) – Is it timely? — Ram Dass, the Ganges water, and why unsolicited advice can wound the vulnerable – Is it kind? — and the famous pickpocket-with-an-umbrella story (which Dan tells wrong and Sharon corrects) – The intention vs. impact debate — and how Buddhism holds both – Is it ever okay to gossip? (Sharon's answer is nuanced) – "The brain filled with shame cannot learn" — why self-flagellation is the enemy of change – How to actually remember any of this in the middle of a hard conversation Subscribe to watch more 10% Happier videos:    / tenpercenthappier   Follow Dan Harris on Social Media:   / danharris     / danbharris     / danharrisabc     / danbharris     / dan-harris-91ba5716b   0:00:00 Why the Buddha had a lot to say about communication 0:03:00 What "the Eightfold Path" actually is 0:08:00 A quick primer on the Four Noble Truths 0:11:00 "Abandon the unskillful, cultivate the good" 0:13:00 Sharon's origin story — India, 1970 0:24:00 Question 1: Is it true? 0:27:00 The India cover-up (a masterclass in why lying gets messy) 0:30:00 What about white lies? 0:33:00 Intention vs. impact — the classic debate 0:37:00 Question 2: Is it helpful? 0:43:00 The 360 review that changed Dan's life 0:47:00 Question 3: Is it timely? (Ram Dass and the Ganges water) 0:55:00 Question 4: Is it kind? (and the pickpocket-with-an-umbrella story) 1:01:00 Is it ever okay to gossip? 1:07:00 How to actually remember all this in real time #10PercentHappier #SharonSalzberg #rightspeech This episode is brought to you by Rosetta Stone. Rosetta Stone Sapphire combines Rosetta Stone's trusted immersion method with the latest in language learning to help you go from knowing phrases to speaking confidently about what you actually care about. Get 20% off your Rosetta Stone Sapphire subscription, plus unlimited access to all 25 languages, at https://www.rosettastone.com/happier. This episode is brought to you by Square. Square's latest tools help local businesses run faster, smarter, and more profitably — from AI that answers your toughest business questions to tech that simplifies orders. Get up to $200 off Square hardware at https://square.com/go/happier. This episode is brought to you by Leesa. Leesa mattresses are designed around how you actually sleep, meticulously assembled in the USA, and backed by free shipping, easy returns, and a generous sleep trial. Take the Leesa Sleep Quiz to find your perfect match in two minutes or less. Go to https://www.leesa.com and use promo code HAPPIER for 30% off select mattresses, plus an extra $50 off. This episode is brought to you by OneSkin. OneSkin's OS-1 is a proprietary peptide designed to switch off senescent (zombie) cells that drive visible signs of skin aging — backed by four peer-reviewed clinical studies and over 10,000 five-star reviews. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code HAPPIER at https://www.oneskin.co/happier.