Breaking Down Your Old Identity to Build a Better Leader | Dr. Kevin Mays

You're not failing because of lack of skill or effort. You're failing because of patterns you picked up before you were old enough to choose them. Dr. Kevin Mays, leadership coach and author of Lead Yourself First, built a career helping executives see that the behaviors driving their success are often the exact same ones quietly sabotaging what they're trying to build. What You'll Learn 1: Why childhood patterns like people-pleasing and humor as a deflection tool show up in the boardroom decades later 2: How to shift from being run by unconscious programming to making intentional choices from a place of presence 3: The difference between geographic disruption and internal disruption, and why the latter is the harder and more powerful path 4: How to reprogram your subconscious using 'I am' statements rather than 'I would like' statements 5: Why comfort is the true enemy of growth, and what to do about it when you're not at rock bottom 6: What it really means to step into the void with no plan B and why that clarity can change everything About the Guest: Dr. Kevin Mays is a leadership coach, speaker, and author based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Through his company, Upgrade Your Leadership, he works with executives and founders to uncover the unconscious patterns holding them back and develop the self-awareness needed to lead at a higher level. His book, Lead Yourself First, recently made the Amazon best-seller list. TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 — Cold open and show introduction 01:25 — Welcome and breathing exercise before the call 03:36 — Kevin's upbringing in Michigan: the car company culture and what it programmed 05:22 — Birth order, family patterns, and the youngest child's drive for attention 08:11 — How Kevin began studying self-awareness and what opened that door 09:12 — The motorcycle trip: riding to the Pacific Coast until the bike broke down 12:50 — Aeronautical engineering, near-miss in the airplane, and choosing a different road 15:48 — Identity falling away piece by piece and the moment of real surrender 19:22 — How to strip away constraint without hitting bottom first 22:48 — Quitting his job, moving to Michigan, and committing with no plan B 27:06 — Overcoming early programming: affirmations, rewiring neural pathways, and the piano analogy 31:48 — Releasing constraint vs. replacing it: Kevin pushes back on 'brainwashing' 34:37 — Music, Rumi, and how Kevin finds presence and energy 35:18 — Lori's five key takeaways from the conversation 38:12 — Closing Connect with Dr. Kevin Mays: Website: upgradeyourleadership.com | Book: Lead Yourself First (available on Amazon) Guest LinkedIn:   / dr-kevin-mays   Guest Instagram:   / maysleadership   About the Show: Fine Is a 4-Letter Word is the show for leaders who are tired of pretending everything is okay. Host Lori Saitz brings on guests who get honest about what it really takes to lead with empathy, vulnerability, gratitude, and courage. New episodes every week. Subscribe so you never miss an episode, and if this conversation hit home, leave a review. It helps more leaders find the show.