Desire to Not Exist (Full Album)

My "Desire to Not Exist" album is finally here! Thank you for everyone who has been supporting me so far :) I've been wanting to make this album with this exact same title and theme for over 4 years. It's an important part of my identity and expression. This might be the only chipbreak album (which is a combination of chiptune and breakcore) that explores existential dread and suffering through pessimistic and skeptic philosophy. This album represents both my ultimate conclusion of life and the agony and desperation of being trapped in this existence. I will continue to express myself and make music about this from different aspects and what led me to this conclusion, both good and bad. Desiring the liberation from the existence, yet not being able to obtain the peace in knowing that nothing has a meaning and that there's nothing after we die. Nihilism is the only hope to salvation for a person who yearns nothingness, yet it's unreachable. Everybody asks the question "Is it worth living?" but nobody asks the question "Is it worth dying?" People immediately assume that if it's not worth living, then it's worth dying. But not wanting to live isn't the same thing as wanting to die. The answer to the first question is quite obvious in the album. "Curse of Human Consciousness" "Trying to Hold On to Life" "Futile Effort" "Life Is a Loop" explores the question with Schopenhauer's concept of endless cycle between will and pain, meanwhile "Hubris of Creation" is about antinatalism which tackles the asymmetry argument between pleasure and pain. You'll experience the best pleasure that life can offer for 10 minutes, but then you'll experience worst suffering that life can offer for the same amount of time. Would you accept? The difference of intensity between pleasure and pain is like the pleasure of lion eating a deer and the suffering of eaten deer. Hundreds of good experiences can't replace one bad experience, people experience one traumatic event in their life and live with that for the rest of their life unable to recover. World is full of unnecessary suffering that causes permanent damage, pain that leads to growth is only a really small fraction. Life is an addictive gamble that you ultimately lose. We try to cling on to good things in life just to suffer more. Life may bring beautiful things but unfortunately none of those worth it for the destruction, war and hate it causes in the world. We hate because we love, we cry because we cheer. Suffering is like a constantly burning fire and then pleasure is like a wood that you throw into the fire. The answer to the second question is also "No". But it's not in an Camus absurdist rebellion sense, my art doesn't contain any hope. "Unreachable Nihilism" "Cognitive Madness" "Gamble of Death" "Illusion of Salvation" all tackles the same topic from different perspectives. Limitations of human mind and the irrationality of choosing death. We don't know what happens after-death. Things we can and can't imagine could happen, it's endless possibilities. Even if there's nothingness, we don't even know what "nothingness" is like. It's not guaranteed that you'll achieve what you desire - "to not exist". It's an another gamble that not worth the risk. When the answer to the both questions is "No" it creates conflict between "Desire to Not Exist" and "Unreachable Nihilism" which leaves you with no solution in this limbo. My whole art is a failed attempt of coping with pain and making life more bearable. This is an oversimplified version of meaning behind my album. I lost so much nuance writing this description due to character limit, it BARELY scratches the surface of my art and philosophy. My music was never meant to be "boss fight" music. I might write in-depth essays in the future. Also did I mention that I'm just an artist and this is just my opinion? I respect other beliefs. Sorry for the rushed ending, thank you for listening and for reading this far :) I love you and I hope you find comfort in my art even if myself doesn't. Stream the album on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/album/4m2BaY... You can buy the album for $16 to support me!   / desire-to-not-152877621   Support me:   / zero435   Discord Server:   / discord   SoundCloud:   / zero_435   Instagram:   / _zero_435   E-mail: [email protected] You can't use my music without my permission. Contact me through platforms above (preferably E-mail) 0:00 Unreachable Nihilism 3:01 Cognitive Madness 6:07 Hubris of Creation 9:06 Hatred of God 12:57 Curse of Human Consciousness 17:22 Suffocated by Hatred 20:29 Dreadful Existence 23:36 Trying to Hold On to Life 25:58 Futile Effort 29:23 Life Is a Loop 31:50 Faded Feelings 34:15 Gamble of Death 36:21 Danse Macabre 38:59 Exulansis 41:57 Illusion of Salvation 45:07 Desire to Not Exist