Batchall My Calm | Nicolai Malthus — BattleTech / MechWarrior Electro Anthem

Nicolai Malthus has a problem: he is angry, he knows he is angry, and now he is angry about being angry. This comedic BattleTech-inspired anthem dives into the furious mind of Clan Jade Falcon’s most spectacularly irritated warrior — from failed meditation to challenging judges, furniture, and possibly the entire Inner Sphere to a batchall. A tribute to one of the most memorably intense characters in BattleTech lore. AI-assisted music, lyrics, and artwork. Human creative direction, selection, editing, and final production by Hastatus Creates Music. Fan-made tribute inspired by the BattleTech universe. "Batchall My Calm" Why am I angry? I have reviewed the data. The data is insulting. Somebody bring me a target. No—bring me a mirror. I challenge that too. I woke up calm for a second or two, Then the sunrise looked smug in a terrible hue. My boots hit the floor with a tactical thud, And my coffee surrendered before tasting good. My Summoner's red and my temper is redder, My pulse writes insults in capital letters. I tried to say, “Peace,” but the word came out bad, Now I am angry that I am this mad. Breathe in honor, breathe out shame, Count to ten, then curse the name. Falcon wisdom, iron will, Still my blood says: kill, kill, kill. I am mad, mad about being mad, My patience was a bid and I lost what I had. I am mad, mad about being mad, Even my calm has made me mad. Batchall my breakfast, batchall my chair, Batchall the smoke in the cockpit air. I came for glory, I came to dare, Now I am mad that I’m mad I care. Somerset laughed, and I took that hard, Adam Steiner lives rent-free in my guard. Every time I try to let that story go, My bloodhouse whispers, “Absolutely no.” I filed a grievance with righteous fire, The court said, “Sir, that is not how trials transpire.” So I batchalled the judge and whoever walked through, The clerk, the bailiff, and a houseplant too. Breathe in honor, breathe out shame, Count to ten, then curse the name. Falcon doctrine, perfect form, Still my thoughts start another storm. I am mad, mad about being mad, My patience was a bid and I lost what I had. I am mad, mad about being mad, Even my calm has made me mad. Batchall my breakfast, batchall my chair, Batchall the smoke in the cockpit air. I came for glory, I came to dare, Now I am mad that I’m mad I care. Mad about it! Mad about that! Mad about being mad about combat! Mad about honor! Mad about rules! Mad that the Inner Sphere calls me a fool! They said, “Nicolai, maybe reflect.” I said, “I reflect with a targeting reticle checked.” They said, “Your anger is costing you rank.” I said, “Your wisdom is painfully blank.” A trueborn warrior does not complain, He challenges clouds when they threaten rain. And if the universe smirks at my name, I will issue a batchall to the concept of blame. Mmm... mmm... mmm... No. That hum was dishonorable. Mmm... mmm... mmm... Still angry. I sit in silence, knees on the floor, Trying not to challenge the door. One breath for honor, two breaths for pride, Three breaths before the rage comes back online. I picture a falcon above a clear sky, I picture my enemies waving goodbye. I picture a court with a reasonable tone, Then I remember the judge had a face of his own. Calm is a planet I meant to claim, But my thoughts brought forces and refused my name. Peace made a bid, but it bid too high, So I open my eyes and I scream at the sky— RAAAAAAAGH! I am mad, mad about being mad, My patience was a bid and I lost what I had. I am mad, mad about being mad, Even my calm has made me mad. Batchall my breakfast, batchall my chair, Batchall the smoke in the cockpit air. I came for glory, I came to dare, Now I am mad that I’m mad I care. Mad about it! Mad about that! Mad about being mad about combat! Mad about honor! Mad about rules! Mad that the Inner Sphere calls me a fool! I am centered now. I am balanced. I am perfectly calm. Who moved my chair? I demand SATISFACTION!!