How to fix your spouse

What if the secret to better relationships—marriage, parenting, friendship—isn't trying harder to change people, but giving them the freedom to choose? James and Brian reveal how God's original design for love shows us what's been missing. In this episode of the Called to Love Podcast, hosts James Levisee and Brian Knoedl explore one of the most freeing truths about relationships: real love requires choice. They unpack why God created humans with the ability to choose, why He planted a single forbidden tree in a massive garden (spoiler: it wasn't a trap), and how this same principle transforms marriages, parenting, and friendships. James shares a vulnerable moment about watching his daughter struggle but knowing God's faith in her is bigger than his fear, and how he's learning to "borrow faith" instead of control. They discuss the difference between "doing" and "becoming," why rule-based marriages create distance, and the weight of expectations that crushes people when we place our happiness entirely in their hands. If you've ever felt the exhaustion of trying to change someone, this episode will change how you approach every relationship. Topics Covered: 0:00 How to tolerate each other and be joyful 1:09 What does it take to be in good with God? 1:43 Communication and connection lead to communion 2:15 God created us because He wanted relationship 2:47 The child story: loving more than you thought possible 3:56 How intricate and miraculous we are made 4:58 God gave us the ability to choose 5:35 Real love says you have a choice, even if you reject me 6:05 The tree of knowledge—not a trap, but freedom 6:38 Parenting: when you must let them go down a path 7:48 Seeing adversity as opportunity to grow 8:18 God has faith in you when you don't have it 9:21 Borrowing faith from God to get through hard seasons 9:53 Exercise love, grace, mercy—become the safe place 10:27 Invest love and they'll have nowhere else to go 11:01 Be nice, do what you say, keep your promises 12:04 Faith is the key—we can't do this without relationship 12:35 Jesus modeled faith, now we model it for others 13:09 It's about becoming, not doing 13:43 Marriage rules create distance 14:48 He wants you to know Him, not just do for Him 15:20 The marriage problem: trying to make them change 16:25 Give people space to grow and be the anchor 16:58 Two people without God trying to control each other 17:30 Even if they say they won't change, trust God with them 18:01 Your happiness cannot come from your spouse Key Takeaways: Real love gives people a choice, even knowing they might reject you—that's how God designed it You cannot change anyone; your job is to give them space to grow while being a safe, loving anchor The weight of expectations you place on another person was never meant for them to carry—only God can carry that Becoming is more important than doing; transformation happens through relationship, not rules Your spouse, children, and friends need to know they're safe with you more than they need you trying to fix them 🌐 Visit us: https://www.calledto.love 📧 Share your feedback on our website #choiceinlove #relationshiphealth #calledtolove #faithinrelationships #lettinggo