Episode 518: Why Dead Bedrooms Happen

In long-term relationships, couples sometimes find that their sex life gradually fades away. This might happen after having children, or following a stressful period at work. However, there isn’t always an obvious turning point. In today’s episode, we’re taking a closer look at why dead bedrooms happen, how common they are, and how to know when it’s time to seek help. My guest is Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (https://drlaurenfogel.com/) , a licensed psychologist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and certified emotionally focused couples therapist. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns a private practice in Minnesota. She is the co-author of the book, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships (https://amzn.to/4vwpd6Z) . Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include: • What do dead bedrooms actually look like? • Why might sex disappear in a long-term relationship? • How common are desire discrepancies in relationships? • How do we distinguish the normal waning of passion from a true sexual problem? • When should couples seek help for desire discrepancies? You can check our Lauren’s website (https://drlaurenfogel.com/) to learn more about her work. You can also find her on Instagram (  / drlaurenfogelmersy  ) and Facebook (  / drlaurenfogelmersy  ) @drlaurenfogelmersy. Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology. (http://speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology) *** Thank you to our sponsors!  Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com (http://sexualhealthalliance.com/) and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here  (https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/) for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (  / psychologyofsex  ) , Twitter (  / justinlehmiller  ) , or Bluesky (https://bsky.app/profile/justinlehmil...)  to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube (   / @justinlehmiller  )  and Instagram (  / justinjlehmiller  ) . Listen and stream all episodes on Apple (https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...) , Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/6DCIGjO...) , or Amazon (https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/136...) . Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Precision Podcasting (https://precisionpodcasting.com/) (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.