The Holy Fathers on Raising Children #2

The Holy Fathers on Raising Children #2 “A child’s upbringing commences at the moment of its conception. The embryo hears and feels in its mother’s womb. Yes, it hears and it sees with its mother’s eyes. It is aware of her movements and her emotions, even though its mind has not developed… Whatever the mother experiences — sorrow, pain, fear, anxiety, etc. — is also experienced by the embryo. If the mother doesn’t want the child, if she doesn’t love it, then the embryo senses this and traumas are created in its little soul that ac­company it all its life. The opposite occurs through the mother’s holy emotions. When she is filled with joy, peace and love for the embryo, she transmits these things to it mystically, just as happens to children that have been born. For this reason a mother must pray a lot during her pregnancy and love the child growing within her, caressing her abdomen, reading Psalms, singing hymns and living a holy life. This is also for her own benefit. But she makes sacrifices for the sake of the embryo so that the child will become more holy and will acquire from the very outset holy foundations.” “Children cannot endure coercion. Don’t compel them to come with you to Church. You can say, ‘Whoever wants can come with me now or come later.’ Leave God to speak to their souls. The reason why the children of some devout parents become rebellious when they grow up and reject the Church and everything connected with it and go off to seek satisfaction elsewhere is because of this pressure which they feel from their ‘good’ parents. The so-called ‘devout’ parents, who were anxious to make good Christians of their children with their human love, pressurized their children and produced the opposite result… When children grow up in an atmosphere of freedom and at the same time are surrounded by the good example of grown-ups, they are a joy to see… what does your child see in you? How do you live and what do you radiate? Does Christ radiate in you? That is what is transmitted to your child.” “When the parents are saintly and transmit this to the child and give the child an upbringing ‘in the Lord’, then the child, whatever the bad influences around it, will not be affected because by the door of its heart will be Wisdom — Christ Himself. The child will not undergo great travail to acquire Wisdom. It seems very difficult to become good, but in reality it is very easy when from an early age you start with good expe­riences. As you grow up effort is not required; you have goodness within you and you experience it. You don’t weary yourself; it is yours, a pos­session which you preserve, if you are careful, throughout your life.” “A child needs to be surrounded by people who pray and pray ardently (fervently).” “You don’t need to say a lot to children. Words hammer at the ears, but prayer goes to the heart. Prayer is required, with faith and without anxiety, along with a good example.” (St. Porphyrios of Kavsokalyvia) “If a man trains his child correctly, and the child trains his child correctly and so on, the succession of good Christians will be like a golden chain.” “Children weren’t born by chance and we are held responsible for their Salvation.” (St. John Chrysostom) “The aim in bringing up children is that they may acquire personal love for Christ and the All-Holy Virgin. We ought not to advise them simply to become good people. Also, we have to help them to stay in the Orthodox Church, not merely to avoid sin. The fact that they stay within Orthodoxy is a great thing, and may be the cause of Salvation, even if they have made some mistakes in their lives. Children ought to be inspired by love for Christ and the All-Holy Virgin.” “Constructive leisure activities are essential for those who live in the world. It is preferable for children to get out of the house rather than to stay at home and watch television.” “The upbringing of children begins from the day of the wedding. The couple ought to live with prayer and the fear of God. When a mother prays when she is pregnant, the embryo feels the energy of the prayer. When a child is conceived the parents ought not to be angry. When it is born, they ought to pray; they should also pray when they have the child in their arms. Whatever the mother does, she should do it with prayer. She should make the Sign of the Cross over the child when it is asleep, and pray when she breastfeeds it or gives it food.” (St. Sophrony of Essex) Reached capacity: